My girlfriend had the sexiest mouth. Nice smooth lips, natural deep pink, full and soft with an impish little smirk lingering perpetually at the edges even when her expression was neutral.
She also had gorgeous eyes - warm hazel with little flecks of green and gold. I thought I could die for those eyes.
I was sure there was no butt in the world cuter than hers - round, perky, perfectly grabbable. When she wore something snug, I had a hard time tearing my eyes off of that cute behind.
Even her name gave me pleasant shivers. Lisette. Lisette Labelle. Her family was from Montreal. She'd moved here as a child and had just a faint whisper of a Francophone accent. I didn't know more than half a dozen words of French, but Lise told me once that "la belle" means "the beautiful", and for a long time I had a habit of calling her "Lisette the Beautiful". She certainly was.
We met in college. It was easy to hook up then, easy to get along. We spent so much time embroiled in classes and papers and part-time jobs to pay tuition that we had to pack as much fun into our limited free time as we could manage - at least, that was Lisette the Beautiful's philosophy, and I would have agreed with nearly anything that came from her irresistible lips. She took me to friends' parties, to pubs and clubs, anywhere loud and boisterous and alcohol-fuelled. I was never a party kind of a guy, nor was I much into drinking culture, but I would have followed Lisette to the ends of the earth, and getting a bit tipsy made it easier to cut loose and be social in the way she wanted me to be.
I would have liked to stay in and cuddle, maybe watch a few good movies, but she was restless, wanting to get out into the world and splurge after the drudgery of classes and paper-writing, and thought movies were antisocial. I suppose she never really asked me what I wanted to do, but I didn't mind. She was radiant and full of life, and I was unremarkable in every way possible. I was a fade-into-the-backdrop sort of guy. There was nothing special about me, nothing exciting, and I wasn't much to look at either. We were the sort of couple about whom people would say, "How did a schlub like him manage to score a knockout like her?" I had no idea how I managed it, but I was thankful every day she wanted me by her side. I wore whatever she wanted to dress me in and cut my hair according to her recommendations. I suppose I became more socially acceptable thanks to her influence.
My girlfriend let me have sex with her, and for this I felt undeservedly privileged. I was a virgin when we met, and had always considered myself a loser. We didn't do it often, but it made the times we did do it all the more special. Sex with Lisette certainly wasn't like it was in the movies or on the Internet. She didn't touch me a lot, or put her mouth on me. She mostly just lay back, closed her eyes, and waited for me to finish. I never complained - how could I? I was lucky just to be able to see her naked, and she even let me put my penis inside her. I never expected it to be like it was in porn. Everyone knows that stuff is completely unrealistic, and I had also heard that in real life, sex isn't nearly as big a deal to girls as it is to guys. I thought she was sweet to indulge me.
My family never liked her, nor did most of my friends. This should, perhaps, have been a red flag for me early on, but I assumed no girl would ever please my family. As for my friends, I saw less and less of them, and instead ended up with Lise's friends most of the time. A couple of my oldest friends once took me out for coffee just to warn me, intervention style, that Lisette was a "user" and a "pathological narcissist" - that she only kept me around because I worshipped her. Instead of considering whether there might have been truth to this, I felt deeply hurt on Lisette's behalf and parted ways with buddies I'd had since primary school. Lise told me I'd done the right thing in cutting the "poison" from my life, and I believed her.
I couldn't tolerate people speaking critically of my girlfriend. I thought she was an angel, and she made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world just to be near her. I closed my ears to dissent. When she picked out all my clothes and styled me according to her taste, I thought it was love. I wanted to be her toy to dress up. When she audited all of my homework, I thought it was love. She wanted me to get good grades so I would have a more promising future. When she told me what to eat or what not to eat, and put me on an exercise program, I thought it was love. She cared enough to help me be healthy, and it was true I needed to lose a few pounds. I wasn't crazy about what I saw in the mirror. Maybe, with Lise's help, I could be a better man. There was a lot I could stand to improve about myself, and she helpfully pointed out all the ways in which I could do so.
We graduated at the same time - her degree was in Communications, and mine was in Microbiology - and she straightaway picked out an apartment for us to live in. We'd never discussed moving in together, but of course I wanted to. She had been doing an internship with a Public Relations firm, and they hired her on full-time straight out of school, so she felt very secure and pleased with herself, as she had every right to be. I was fine with her picking out all of our furniture and everything. She was the one with the impressive, high-powered career. I had a humbler job, working in Quality Assurance for a factory that produced bottled water and other assorted beverages. Lise liked to tease me that I had the most boring job in the world. She was probably right, but I enjoyed it well enough - I found the work to be tranquil and strangely rewarding. I supposed that meant I was just a boring kind of a guy, and was all the more grateful to be with such a dynamic, charismatic woman as Lisette.
I had thought our life together would be bliss. She was a natural leader, and I was content to follow. It seemed we complemented each other - yin and yang. It was, of course, not quite as blissful as I had envisioned. At first I blamed myself, and Lisette probably blamed me too.
She caught me watching porn once, during the first two weeks of our cohabitation. I knew she wasn't comfortable with porn, and I felt guilty every time I watched. I was feeling wound up - we hadn't had sex once since moving in together, and I had been looking forward to doing it in our own bed we shared. She simply hadn't felt like it. Instead I caved and turned to the Internet.
"How could you do this to me?" she shrieked, bursting into tears instantly. "How could you?!"
"Lise... I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling as bad about making Lisette cry as if I'd run over a kitten with my car.
"It's cheating! Don't you understand it's cheating?" she sobbed. "You're being unfaithful to me!"
I shook my head slowly, not necessarily to deny her judgment of the situation, but simply at a loss and bereft of words. She thought I was arguing with her.
"Yes, you are!" she insisted, pulling my iPad out of my hands and pointing at the screen. "You're cheating on me with this disgusting, fake slut! Is that who you want me to be, Cody? Is that the sort of girlfriend you expect? Some kind of pornstar with fake boobs who will perform for you, and slaver all over you like a dog?!"
"No - no!" I replied quickly, my voice trembling with panic. "Sweetie, you're perfect. You're the most perfect girl I could ever ask for. You're so much better than I deserve. Everyone says so, and I know it's true. I'm weak, and I'm sorry. I screwed up. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Lise... please forgive me. I love you. I love you so much."
She gritted her teeth and flung my iPad across the room. It hit the corner of our mantelpiece, and a network of cracks spread across the screen. "Bastard! How can I love you right now, when you take me for granted like this?" She sniffled noisily and wiped at her eyes, smudging her makeup. "How can you expect anything from me? Forgive you, really? I don't know, Cody. I need to think seriously about this. I need some time."
I hung my head, paralyzed. The thought of losing her was unbearable. I would be so alone without her. I would be nothing and nobody, without a home or friends or even an identity. "I... that's fair," I stammered. "I guess I don't have much right to ask forgiveness. Please... I don't want to hurt you. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, I'll do it. I promise. Just tell me what to do."
She sighed and sobbed a few more times, pacing back and forth across the room. "I'm going to have to think about that. And you should be thinking about it too. I expect you to be a better man."
"I will," I promised. "I'll be better."
I bettered myself as best I could. I didn't complain once about my broken iPad, deciding it was fair for me to lose my tablet privileges. I made breakfast and dinner for Lisette every day from then on - all of her favourite healthy meals. I brought her roses every few days. I left her little love notes, and bought her cute trinkets. I did everything I could to show my affection and appreciation for her. I began to feel as if I were simply dropping stones into the Grand Canyon of her disappointment. Still, doing anything else was unthinkable. I had screwed up, and I had to put in my time.
A month in, we still hadn't had sex. I felt guilty even about masturbating. I took to doing it whenever she went out in the evenings with her friends, or in the bathroom at work over my lunch breaks, as I couldn't even get privacy from her in the shower - she might wander in at any time, and she thought it was suspicious if I locked the bathroom door. I felt like a cheater and a failure every time, but I still seemed to have to get off on a daily basis. If I didn't get some kind of sexual release, I was even more miserable.
Things did get a little better. She stopped bringing up the porn incident, and at least started giving me little hugs and kisses again. I would have given my right arm to simply have a nice, long cuddle, but she wasn't ready for that much touching.
When I came home from work one day, she was talking on the phone in French, which I guessed meant she was talking to a family member. I knew she had strained relations with her family, and she seemed a little concerned, so I became concerned along with her. I sat next to her on the sofa and offered a hand to hold, but she brushed me off. I sat patiently and waited for her to need me.
After she hung up the phone, she turned to me, licking her lips. Such pretty lips. How was she so beautiful? Even now I felt dizzy, gazing at her.
"So my baby brother is going to move in with us for a while," she said.
"Oh... what?" I stammered, taken aback.
"Well, not 'baby' - he's eighteen now," she clarified. "I'm not happy about it either, but mama's moving in with her new boyfriend and doesn't have room for him anymore. He's going to school here, so it's a convenient place for him. Hopefully he can find a good job and afford to live on campus maybe, but not yet." She sighed grievously and rolled her eyes. "I'll have to be substitute mama. He might be handful, so be prepared. We're going to need to be strict with him."
I stared down at my hands, remembering how she'd talked vaguely about her brother in the past. I had a strong sense he was a bit of a troublemaker. "Oh. Lise... you're really sweet to take on this responsibility," I said softly. "Where can we put him, though? This place isn't that big, and we haven't got a spare bedroom."
"Well, obviously he'll have to sleep here on the sofa!" she exclaimed irritably. She grabbed a notepad and a pen from the coffee table. "I'm going to have to make a new budget."
I smiled a little. "You're so good at that."
"Speaking of budget, you didn't buy lunch today, did you?"
My face fell, and my posture followed. "Yeah... I went out for a sub," I admitted softly.
She dropped her pen and frowned at me. "What kind?"
"Meatball," I mumbled.
She looked me over disapprovingly. "Oh, Cody, honestly! How can you put such gross stuff into your body? Look at you - you've already put on some pudge since graduation. Meatball subs aren't going to do anything about that." She poked one of my love handles.
"I know," I sighed, leaning on my knees. "I was stupid."
"I don't want to have to buy you new clothes. Things are going to be tight for a while, with Julien around. You have to think about consequences, for heaven's sake!"
I nodded. "Yes. I should know better. I'll make my own sandwiches from now on."
"You should be eating salads more. If you must have sandwiches, whole wheat bread only, no mayo, and I'm not buying you any deli meats. Those things are packed with chemicals. They'll kill you."
I nodded again. "Healthy sandwiches only. I promise."
"You know I care about you a lot, right, Cody?"
I looked up, and she was smiling at me. That smile was such a rare treasure. Her eyes, they were so gorgeous! I grinned like a moron. "I know, sweetie. You take such good care of me."
She kissed my cheek, and I felt the warm tickle of it lingering there long afterward. Every little bit of affection from her was a precious gift.
Lisette's brother arrived a few days later. It was a Friday, and Lise had taken the day off to help him move in. I was uneasy as I drove home from work. Having a troubled young stranger sleeping on our sofa was an uncomfortable thought. I liked my privacy, and Lisette hadn't even discussed the matter with me before agreeing to let her brother stay. Wasn't it our apartment, not just her apartment?
I shook these thoughts from my head. Lisette was showing kindness to the most vulnerable member of her family - how could I be so selfish as to resent her for that?
I stepped inside our apartment and neatly hung up my keys and my coat as I regarded the unfamiliar pair of well-loved-looking Chuck Taylors nesting amongst our shoes. Immediately a very 'Lisette' type of thought occurred to me - he needed some new shoes, or at least to give those a good cleaning. It was a surreal sort of moment, as I recognized very quickly that I would never have had such thoughts without Lise's influence. In fact, I used to wear a terribly worn but comfortable set of sneakers when we first met, and it took her no time to remark upon them. When I first realized that a gorgeous girl was paying attention to me, I had been more than willing to throw away my favourite shoes to please her.
After leaving my sensible work shoes next to our guest's high tops, I entered the living area, following the sound of two voices chatting away in French. They paused their conversation and looked up at me with twin pairs of warm hazel eyes.
I was breathless. The resemblance between Lisette and Julien was startling. Julien was taller, thinner, paler, and with slightly shorter hair and a stronger bone structure, but he certainly had Lisette's gorgeous eyes. His mouth, too, was like hers - soft, full lips with a natural pink blush, and a hidden smirk lingering at the edges. I looked at Lise's mouth, and then her brother's. Somehow, in some way I could not identify, his mouth was even more beautiful. He looked like someone who could trigger an apocalypse if he smiled, and so he carefully did not.
I felt dopey standing there, speechless, staring at a teenage boy, but he drew my eyes like a bright splotch of colour on a white landscape. His elegant, youthful features concealed far more than a smile. There was a whole world behind them, rigidly suppressed. I was slightly in awe of him, and simultaneously wary and tense.
"Hi," he said at last.
"Hi," I echoed. My eyes slid over to Lise, who was giving me one of her Looks - one I knew well. It was the Look she gave me anytime she expected me to act like a normal person and be sociable.
"Pleased to meet you," I added at last, moving closer to him and extending a hand, though these things had never come naturally to me. "I'm Cody."
"Julien," he replied. His hand was thin, soft, and cool, and gripped mine with the delicate caution of unfamiliarity. "Um... thanks for, like... letting me stay."
I almost told him it was his sister he should be thanking, but did not truly want him to think I was opposed to his presence. "It's okay." I shifted from foot to foot, glancing at Lisette again. She seemed to be disapproving in some aspect, but I could not guess what she was expecting of me.
"Why don't I get started on dinner?" I suggested, needing to fill the silence. "You two can... keep on catching up."
Julien glanced between the two of us. "Um, you guys... don't have to feed me, or anything. I don't wanna be a mooch - I can fend for myself."
"Nonsense!" Lisette assured him. "I know if you're left to your own devices, you'll eat nothing but fries and gravy, or pizza. None of that filth in our household, right, Cody?"
She went on without waiting for me to respond: "There's nothing but good, nutritious food in this household, and we're going to keep you healthy and fed as long as you're with us. It's really no more work to cook for three than for two."
I nodded. "Sure. I'll just...." I let my sentence trail off as I retreated into the kitchen. The ambient noise of them continuing their conversation in French lulled me into a haze as I prepared dinner.
There wasn't room enough in our little apartment for a proper kitchen table, but there was an island that, besides providing extra counter space, served as a separator between the kitchen and living room, and as an eating area. It had room for exactly three chairs, side by side. I felt like an outsider as we sat there in a row, with Lisette in the middle. They spoke mostly in French, though I realized belatedly that Lise was doing at least 75 percent of the talking. Julien was soft-spoken, kept his sentences brief, and seemed to give away little emotion in his voice, whereas Lisette was dramatic and her tone regularly climbed up to boisterous excitement and descended to bitterness or vitriol. Every time she took on that low, disapproving tone, I felt a knot form in my stomach.
I had prepared Lisette's favourite rosemary chicken, with asparagus and yam on the side. Keeping in mind that Julien especially enjoyed fries, I'd cut the yams into little wedges, tossed them in oil and salt, and baked them to vaguely resemble fries. He devoured them with lots of ketchup, but only picked at the rest.
Lisette turned to me suddenly in the middle of their conversation. "You can get my brother a part-time job at your work!" she said brightly. Without waiting for a response, she turned back to Julien: "Cody's job is pretty lame, but he likes it there. He can get you a position doing some general labour or something."
I cleared my throat slightly. "I'm not sure of that, actually."
She turned to me again. "What? Of course you can! Come on, Cody - we need you to do your part here."
"Really, don't..." Julien mumbled.
"It should be no trouble at all!" Lise continued.
"Sweetie," I said patiently, "I'm just one of the guys that works in the QA department...."
"I know what your job is - I'm not an idiot!"
"No, I didn't mean.... That is, I just have no say over these things. I can't just... get people jobs."
"Jeez, Cody! I understand you're not the hiring manager!" She rolled her eyes with intense exasperation. "Is it so beyond you to find the guts to talk to your boss or something?"
I placidly chewed on an asparagus tip and swallowed before responding. "I don't know, Lise. I'm not sure my boss even knows who I am. I don't really, um... I don't think it would be appropriate."
"I swear!" she huffed. "You boys are so helpless!"
Julien and I met eyes briefly behind her back, and then returned to our plates.
"I can handle myself," he said softly after a few minutes of silent eating.
Lisette responded in French, something that sounded dubious.
She received a phone call as we finished up and retreated to our bedroom to take it. A friend was apparently having a crisis, and I knew Lise loved solving other people's problems, so I expected her to be on the phone a while. I began clearing away the dishes. Julien quickly moved his plate to the sink so I wouldn't have to.
"Sorry... sorry I didn't eat much," he mumbled as he noticed me noticing the food left on his plate. "Not that hungry I guess."
"It's okay." I glanced at him curiously, wondering if he really wasn't hungry or just didn't like the food. I wasn't the sort of person to ask.
"I can help with dishes...?" he offered.
I shrugged. "There isn't much. I can put most things in the dishwasher. I've got a few pots and pans to wash by hand though. You can dry if you like."
After loading the dishwasher, I rinsed the pots and pans as best I could and then filled the sink with soapy water. I found washing dishes strangely comforting. Something about soaking my hands in hot water, perhaps. Julien stood next to me at the drying rack, ready with a clean towel.
"The sweet potatoes were really good," he finally remarked after a few minutes of silence.
"Oh... I'm glad." I smiled hesitantly, but he kept his eyes down. I was curious about what he'd been through, that Lisette warned me he was going to be a handful. He certainly didn't come across as some kind of hoodlum. He wore a baggy black t-shirt with a classic Batman logo on it, and slim fitting black jeans with slashes across the knees. His hair spilled down almost to his shoulders, sometimes falling in front of his eyes, and he gave a little toss of his head occasionally to get it out of his way.
"I can make them anytime you like," I added, and then paused, still wondering if he didn't care for the rest of the dinner I'd made. It was starting to bother me - not because he wasn't being forthright, but because he was our guest, and I wanted to be a good host. "If you let me know the sorts of things you like for meals... I can make them for you. We can... you know... compromise."
He licked his pretty lips and thought about this. "You always do the cooking?"
It was my turn to take a moment to think. "I guess so. Most of the time we've lived here it's just been a habit I fell into. I make breakfasts and dinners. We take care of our own lunches. Lise does the shopping - maybe you could go along with her one day and pick out things you like. I'm sure she'll let you know if she won't allow it." I chuckled lightly.
He released a sharp sigh. "She's like... the fun police."
I suppressed a laugh at this. "I wouldn't exactly put it that way. She... cares about her boys."
He looked up at me with an expression that was so raw and piercing I nearly lost my breath. "I think she thinks everyone in her life would go to hell in a handbasket if she weren't around." He swallowed hard. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Our mom was always the same. I'm so tired of it. Dad was too, and he took to drinking and left years ago. I mean... I don't want to sound like I'm being critical of you for liking her or anything. There are all kinds of people in this world, and there's someone for everyone. But my mom drives me crazy, and so does my sister. I'm not going to stay here long if I can avoid it."
I had no idea how to process or respond to any of this, so I just stared into the suds for a little while.
"I'm sorry," he whispered after a minute or two. "That probably sounded mean."
"No... no, it's okay," I said cautiously. "You can be honest. It's... not as if I don't understand your point of view. Lise has to have everything 'just so'. I guess I'm just... yunno... fine with that. I'm not that opinionated. And we have a good life. She keeps me motivated to take care of myself. I might be living in a cardboard box, weeping and covered in my own filth if I didn't have her." I let out a monosyllabic laugh. "I'm easygoing. I match well with, uh... dominant personalities."
He looked down at the pan he was drying for a while. He took a few deep breaths, held them, letting them out again after pausing. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but was having trouble speaking up.
"Hmm?" I prodded gently as if he'd said something and I hadn't quite caught it.
He shook his head, finished drying the pan, and clutched at the dish towel. He took another deep breath, and looked up at me again with that aching, raw expression. "I just... I mean...," he began, twisting the towel in his hands. He lowered his voice to a soft whisper and leaned slightly closer to me. "I know I've only known you for like... an hour and a half. But... I think you're really nice. Too nice, maybe. I... I just don't like the way she talks to you. To us. That's all. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
He dropped the towel into the empty dish rack and fled the kitchen.
I continued cleaning up, occasionally looking across the island to watch him go about his business. He settled on the sofa and spent some time sorting through his possessions. He had two cardboard boxes, a small suitcase, and an ancient-looking but sturdy backpack. He dug through the backpack, rooting around for something specific. The something was his phone charger, and as he pulled it out, a fluffy teddy bear briefly popped out with it, its leg tangled in the cable. He quickly grabbed it, stuffing the little fellow back in his bag. He glanced across at me, noticed I had witnessed his bear, and blushed. But I loved that he had a stuffed bear in his backpack - I absolutely adored it. I smiled widely at him, and his expression softened a little. I thought he might smile back at me, but the closest I saw was a little twitch of one side of his beautiful mouth.
Ten minutes later, while I was busying myself with preparing a lunch for tomorrow, I heard a crinkle of plastic cellophane from the living room, and moments later, Julien crept up behind me. I turned to face him, and he was holding his hand out, palm up. Upon it sat three Oreo cookies - an offering. I glanced toward the bedroom; I could hear Lisette, still embroiled in conversation. I felt a strange tingle of exhilarating rebellion wash over me, and I grinned uncontrollably as I reached out to accept the sweet contraband.
"Thank you," I whispered.
He placed a finger to his lips, and smiled behind it, ever so slightly.
I almost dropped my cookies. He was so beautiful. Julien the Beautiful.
I reached for Lisette as she was undressing for bed.
"I love you," I whispered.
"Love you too," she yawned, shrugging me off and crawling under the covers.
I joined her, and reached for her again. "I miss you."
"What? I'm right here."
"I know. But we haven't... you know.... It's been a long time."
"What's the matter with you?" she hissed, pushing me away. "My brother's in the next room!"
"We don't have to... I mean...." I trailed off, sighing. "Could we just... cuddle?"
"I've got a lot on my mind right now, Cody. I'm not feeling very touchy-feely. Please respect my personal space."
"Of course... of course. If you need space, I respect that."
She fell asleep quickly, and I lay there awake for some time, hugging my pillow. I knew I was supposed to be "the man", but I felt needy, affection-starved, and fragile.
An hour went by and I still couldn't sleep. I was almost tempted to masturbate, but I knew she'd wake up and be offended. I finally got up and crept out into the main area of our apartment, dressed in a t-shirt and boxers. I moved very quietly so as not to wake Julien, intending to get a glass of milk, but when I glanced at the sofa I realized he wasn't there. I looked over at the bathroom, and it was unoccupied. The door to the balcony was slightly ajar. I went over and pulled it open, slipping outside to join Julien, who was leaning against the railing with something clutched to his chest. He quickly drew a wrist across his face as I stepped through the doorway, but it was obvious he'd been crying. I felt immediately guilty at having barged in on a private moment. There was no way I could undo my intrusion, however, so I stayed and tried to make the best of it.
"Sorry," I whispered, leaning against the rail beside him. "Are you okay?"
He shrugged, crossing his arms tightly over the object pressed against his chest, which I realized was his teddy bear. I felt like melting. Whatever harsh impression Lise had of her brother, I could see that he was only a boy, and a sad one.
"Sorry," I reiterated. I could feel the sorrow radiating off of him, and it worsened my existing fragility. I had to do something for him, but I didn't know why he was crying.
I looked out over the cityscape, and all its twinkling lights beneath the dark canopy of night sky and barely visible stars. It was always a tranquil sight for me. "I come out here sometimes... when I can't sleep," I whispered. "It's crazy to just... look at all those thousands of windows out there, and think... every human experience is happening in front of us. People out there are laughing, crying, eating, sleeping, dancing, making love, being born, dying, hurting each other, meeting for the first time.... I dunno, I just find it really... calming. Maybe that sounds weird."
He sniffed. "No. No... it's... really nice. Kinda beautiful." He paused and squeezed his bear tighter. "Really beautiful, actually."
I let the silence sit for a few minutes. I wondered if he was worried about school, about his future, about his strained relations with his family. I wondered if he was upset about something to do with his mother and her boyfriend, or if Lisette had made him feel bad, or if he'd gotten his heart broken. My instinct was pointing toward the latter. I spoke up again, hesitantly: "Do you miss someone?"
He nodded slowly, and then faster. I heard him gulp back a sob. He needed a hug... badly. We both did. I didn't even think about putting my arm around him. It was just the right thing to do. Unlike Lisette, who often showed no reaction to an affectionate touch, or even pushed me away, Julien responded instantly as if we were a pair of magnets, and he'd only been waiting for a touch to activate. He shifted his weight to lean against me instead of the balcony rail. A moment later, he turned his whole body toward me, and I turned to him, and he was pressed fully against me, his head on my shoulder. Both of my arms went around him, squeezing him just as he squeezed his bear.
I let out a long breath. Empty parts of me suddenly felt filled. Needs I had only marginally realized had been aching within me were being met. Years ago I had been in a car accident and spent some time in the hospital, hooked up to a morphine drip. I remember pressing that button and the rush of blissful ease, weightlessness, and relief from pain that had followed. Julien was a shot of morphine to me. I had no hesitation about holding him. I had no hesitation about stroking his back, about pressing my cheek against the top of his head, and inhaling the scent of him. His hair smelled like apples.
He released his grip on his teddy bear and wrapped his arms around me instead. The bear stayed sandwiched between our chests, insulating the pounding of my heart. Julien clutched me tightly as he cried on my shoulder, his fingers pressing into my back.
"I've been really lonely," he whispered against my neck.
"Me too," I whispered back, not fully understanding how true it was until I'd said it. "Me too!"
He was shivering. It was a bit chilly out tonight, but maybe that wasn't why. I continued to stroke his back. The way he held me with need was possibly the most perfect moment I had ever experienced.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Don't be. Honestly. Don't."
We continued to hug each other, and I felt the tension in his skinny body gradually ease, until he just felt warm and pliable in my arms. We rocked a little, getting to know each other, bonding in silence. In that moment, I could not remember what it felt like to experience worry. I gently tousled his hair, which was the same chestnut colour as Lisette's, and every bit as soft. Softer, even, since it wasn't full of assorted styling products.
"How can you be lonely?" he asked suddenly.
I sighed, and inhaled the sweet scent of his hair again. "I guess sometimes two people can be close... but still really far apart."
"Oh," he said softly. "She's... keeping you at arm's length then?"
"I guess so," I sighed. "Literally."
"Sorry, that's... probably a little TMI," I chuckled awkwardly.
We were still hugging. His grip on me had relaxed a little, but now it tightened again.
"It's okay," he whispered. "I, um... ha. I guess I was... a little weirded out about staying here at first... knowing my sister might be... doing stuff with her boyfriend while I'm in the same apartment. Like... ew. But now... I actually feel kinda bad you're not getting laid." He let out a short laugh. "Been, uh... a while?"
I smirked. "Yep. A long while. Like... not even once since we've moved here."
"Jeez. What's her problem?"
"Wish I knew. But I don't really wanna... yunno... have expectations of her just because we're in a relationship. Her body, her rules. I respect that."
"Hm... I guess...," he mumbled dubiously. "Still. That really bites. She does seem kinda... weirdly cold toward you. Especially considering how sweet and understanding you seem to be with her. I mean, she's a heinous bitch to me, but I give her a lot of the same. Isn't a girlfriend supposed to... actually act like she likes you?"
I considered this silently for a while. The things he was saying sounded very similar to the complaints my family and friends used to have about my girlfriend. And in recent months, the only friends I had around were her friends, who were always on Team Lisette and expected that any boyfriend of hers should worship her, without any expectation of it going the other way.
"I'm sorry," Julien added after a long pause. "I shouldn't be... criticizing your relationship like that. It's none of my business."
"No, I... I'm actually kinda glad. It's possible that I really needed to hear all that. I make a lot of excuses for her. Maybe... maybe I need to.... I dunno." I trailed off, thinking.
"Stand up for yourself more?" he suggested. "I only say it because... it's something that I struggle with. I think you and I are... similar."
"I think you're right." I smiled slowly. "Thank you. Thanks for your perspective. And for the hug. I really needed one. A lot."
"Me too," he chuckled, squeezing me once more. "Although I... think it sort of became a cuddle a while back."
I felt a tingling warmth spread over my body. "Uh-huh. I guess it did."
"N-nothing wrong with that... right?"
"Course not. Two lonely guys... enjoying a cuddle. Nothing wrong with that."
He sighed contentedly. "Um... thanks for not making fun of my bear."
"Why would I? He's adorable. I'd never disrespect a man's relationship with his bear."
Julien laughed. I wished he weren't still resting on my shoulder, because I would have loved to see his face.
"Anyway," I continued after a pause, "as far as Lise goes... this conversation never happened. Right? I kinda think she wouldn't appreciate me discussing our lack of a sex life."
"No problem. I wouldn't tell in a million years." He lifted his head finally and looked me in the eye. "And the Oreos?"
I smiled widely. "They never existed."
"Not in this household. God forbid we should put anything into our bodies but good, nutritious food!" He mirrored my grin.
The full weight of his gorgeous smile hit me like a ton of bricks. I could have almost bitten his darling face. "Oh, you're so cute!" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.
His expression was momentarily startled. He flushed and stepped back from me, grabbing his teddy bear before it could fall. He pressed it against his smiling mouth as if to hide his cuteness behind it. I noticed then that the bear had a little red felt heart stitched to its chest. "S-stop being so nice... you're cheering me up."
I blushed a little myself. "God forbid," I chuckled nervously. "Uh, I guess we should probably get some sleep, hm?"
He nodded, and lingered a few moments before retreating back into the living room. I followed, shutting the balcony door behind us.
"Well... good night," I whispered. "Hope the sofa isn't too bad."
He dove into a snarl of blankets and writhed until he had made himself comfortable, still clutching his bear. "It's pretty nice, actually." He smiled at me, making my heart thunder. "Thanks for... making me feel better."
"Ditto. And... I'm really glad you're here."
"I'm starting to feel the same," he whispered. "Night!"
Lisette shook me awake in the morning, ten minutes before my alarm.
"Breakfast," she said groggily.
I squinted at the clock. "I've got time." I yawned and rolled over, hugging my pillow.
I heard her scribbling with pen and paper.
"What are you writing?" I wondered.
"I'm making a schedule for Julien. He'll just sit on his butt all day playing video games or abusing the Internet if I don't give him tasks. He needs to focus on job hunting."
I felt a surge of annoyance flare up in the pit of my stomach. I rarely, if ever, felt annoyed at my girlfriend, but since the conversations I'd had with Julien yesterday, I was seeing Lisette through a lens other than infatuation. "Sweetie," I began carefully, "it's been several years since you've lived with your brother. Aren't you making some big assumptions there?"
She stabbed her notepad hard with her pen, either dotting an "i" or ending a sentence with particular passion. "Of the two of us, Cody, who do you think knows him better?" she asked curtly.
"Well, you, certainly," I said with as much patience as I could muster. "But... that doesn't mean he's not an adult now. Why not give him a chance to prove himself?"
"You're so naive," she muttered. "You have no clue what trouble he's gotten himself into. And have you even looked at him? He's a mess. Those horrible shoes of his - they should have been in the trash a year ago. He dresses like a homeless kid. He needs a haircut. He slouches, and he mumbles, and has no idea what he's doing with his life. I guess you didn't really follow the conversation yesterday at dinner, but we were talking about course selection. He's just planning to take an assortment of classes that sound 'fun'! He has no career prospects. He has no major in mind. He's going nowhere. He's going to waste his time and his money and end up in the gutter or in jail if I don't step in. I've also got to take him shopping - he's not going to impress anyone in a job interview the way he's looking now."
I pressed my face into my pillow. It was difficult to listen to her tearing Julien apart like this. I sat up finally, unable to stay silent. "Lise, couldn't you give the poor guy a break? Honestly, most people just entering college have no idea what they're doing with their lives. I think taking a variety of courses is a good idea - it's exactly what I did my first few semesters."
She regarded me with a furrowed brow. "Yeah - and you were floundering, as I recall. Directionless, not to mention socially inept, and a complete slob. Thanks to me, you got yourself sorted out. He'd do well to look to you as an example of how a man can improve himself."
"I wasn't...!" I began, frustration coming across in my voice. My connection with Julien last night seemed to have broken a spell. My brain wasn't putting Lisette the Beautiful on a pedestal anymore. It used to seem like the worst thing in the world to disagree with her, but now it seemed necessary, and I was suddenly exasperated with myself for not doing it more often. I took a breath and calmed my tone. "I wasn't 'floundering'. Lise... I wasn't 'directionless', and I wasn't 'inept'. I was figuring myself out, and for goodness' sake, I'm just a quiet, introverted person who doesn't care for parties and noisy pubs. You dragging me to all those things didn't 'improve' me - I just wanted to spend some time with you, so I let it be on your terms. You know what I like? Relaxing, and wearing comfortable clothes, and yes, eating junk food once in a while, but you didn't care what I liked, because it wasn't what you liked. I really miss my comfortable clothes, and my old sneakers."
Lisette's pretty eyes widened steadily as I spoke. "Where is this coming from?" she gasped. "What are you saying?"
I closed my eyes for a few moments. I had been suppressing so much for so long I'd neglected to realize I had such a festering wound from the way she had been treating me, and now it badly needed to drain. "I just... I'm just realizing I've come to think things like, 'I'd be so lost without my girlfriend, I'd be nobody'. But... I think you made me feel that way. I didn't feel like 'nobody' before I met you. You took issue with everything that was 'me', and tried to rebuild me into your ideal boyfriend. I let you... on account of being in love. I preferred being your boyfriend to being myself. I let you take over my life. And now you're trying to do the same thing to Julien - picking apart everything about him, and trying to make him into the sort of man you personally approve of. It's not right - you've got to stop!"
Lisette clenched her teeth. Her chin trembled. "So!" she hissed. "Now I'm some kind of monster on a rampage? All this time you play the sweet, caring boyfriend, treat me like a princess, and out of nowhere, I'm Queen Bitch? That's real nice, Cody. Real nice. I just love how every problem is my fault just because you've suddenly discovered an ego."
I sighed. "I didn't say you were a bitch or a monster. Look... I'm sorry to dump all that on you at once. I probably should have given it some more thought first... and waited for a good time for us to talk things out. I just... I'm having trouble right now with your... controlling tendencies. But I'm not the one who's important right now. Julien's a sweet kid, and he's probably more capable than you give him credit for. I'd like to see you treating him with a bit more respect."
She pressed her pretty lips together into a less-than-pretty little angry line and fumed. "He's been complaining about me behind my back, hasn't he? You two have been conspiring, like two little bratty kids in the back row complaining about teacher!" She slapped her notebook down on her nightstand and threw back the covers with a vengeance, climbing into her bathrobe the moment she stood up as if she didn't want me to look at her body. She placed her hands on her hips and glared down at me. "I can't believe you're lecturing me about respect, when you're gossiping about me with my baby brother. I've told you before, there's a lot you don't know about Julien, so this little tirade of yours about how to treat my own brother is pretty pathetic and ignorant. From now on, Cody, why don't you let ME deal with MY family... and you mind your own gosh darn business?"
Without waiting for a reply, she whirled around and left the bedroom, robe flapping behind her. A few moments later, I heard the shower running.
I rubbed my eyes tiredly and forced myself out of bed, padding out into the living room. Julien was still unconscious. He looked like a perfect doll in the innocent vulnerability of sleep. A perfect doll with tousled hair and a tiny spot of drool at the corner of his sweet mouth. I noticed things I hadn't noticed yesterday: his long lashes, his smooth skin, his flawlessly shaped eyebrows. I wanted to keep watching him sleep, but it was probably creepy of me, and besides, I had to prepare breakfast immediately or I'd be late for work.
I started some coffee going, turned on the oven, and began chopping vegetables. Either the percolating of the coffee machine or my chopping woke Julien. He shuffled over, wearing only rumpled pyjama shorts. I froze as he leaned on me from behind, placing his chin on my shoulder to peek at what I was doing. I could feel the heat of recently departed slumber radiating off of his bare flesh.
"Morning," he whispered.
"Hey, you," I whispered back. I couldn't rouse the necessary coordination to continue chopping while his chin was on my shoulder. "Uh... you like mushrooms?"
"Yeah, I don't mind em."
"No. No tomatoes."
He finally peeled himself off of me and watched from a short distance as I prepared a veggie frittata, sans tomatoes. Once it was in the oven, I sat with him, and we had coffee. He loaded his with milk and sugar. I had mine with just a little sugar.
"Sleep okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, pretty well."
I sipped. His hair was an adorable rat's nest that I wanted to tame with my fingers. His face still had faint sleep lines. His chest was boyish, completely hairless. "I, uh... had a little talk with Lise this morning."
"She was trying to make some kind of schedule for you for the day. I kind of unloaded on her a bit." I rubbed the back of my neck and frowned, listening to the distant whine of her hair dryer from behind the bathroom door. "She might be on the warpath today, so... sorry. I definitely opened a can of worms."
He bit down on his bottom lip for a few moments. "It's probably my fault. I vented to you a lot."
I shook my head. "No, I'm glad you did. It made me realize I needed to do a little venting myself. I don't think my timing was great though. And I wasn't especially tactful. Anyway... she thinks we're conspiring against her or something."
"Maybe we sort of are." He smiled shyly.
I couldn't help but grin. He was so disarming. I slung an arm around his naked shoulders, and he leaned against me.
"It's not like we're plotting her doom," I chuckled. "We just want to be treated like grown-ups, right?"
"Yeah. That... that'd be nice." He pressed his face into my shoulder, muffling a brief chuckle. "Am I allowed to hoard Oreos and sleep with a stuffed animal and still be a grown-up?"
"Of course!" I laughed, squeezing him against my side. "You have my permission at least."
Lisette's hair drier quieted, and soon the rattle of the doorknob sounded. Julien and I quickly, instinctively, separated and sat up straight as she stepped out of the bathroom. Moments later, she swept into the bedroom and shut the door noisily behind her. I felt a strange rush of exhilaration mixed with guilt. I was forced to consider why I'd just been cuddling my girlfriend's brother... and more importantly, why we'd both been afraid to get caught at it. I glanced across at Julien, and his cheeks were flushed. I supposed he'd been having the very same thoughts.
"I should take my turn in the shower," I said breathily, standing and slipping away before he could respond.
I took full advantage of the opportunity to have an unsuspicious excuse to lock the bathroom door. In the shower, I jerked myself off hard and fast, lubing my stiff cock with plenty of soap. My mind was an abstract pornographic filmstrip of rapidly switching, intensely sexual imagery designed to get me there as efficiently as possible. In the moment before my climax, however, I was picturing the sexiest mouth in the world, wet-lipped and smiling coyly - it could have been Lisette's, but deep down I knew it was her brother's. I clenched my jaw painfully tightly to keep back any telltale noises. My fluids swirled harmlessly down the drain, and as my body calmed from the intense orgasm, I was thinking of how it had felt to have Julien's warm, mostly-naked body next to mine, his chin resting innocently on my shoulder.
Once I'd gotten myself all scrubbed and dressed for work, Lise and Julien were sitting at the kitchen island, arguing in French. I tried to calm the inner flare of stress that surged up at Lise's vehemence, and at the appearance of the schedule she had written up and was now pushing on him. I took the frittata out of the oven, served up breakfast for the three of us, and helped myself to a second cup of coffee. I didn't want to sit in the third chair this time, to be cut off from their conversation. Instead I stood across from them, facing them, and ate standing up.
Lise paused mid-lecture and glared up at me. "What?" she demanded. "This really doesn't concern you."
"Why can't it?" I asked calmly. "I'd like us all to talk. The three of us."
"Yes - please, could we?" Julien begged his sister. "No more French. I think it's rude to leave Cody out."
Lisette clenched her jaw. "This is a family matter, as far as I'm concerned."
Julien sighed, and his posture sagged a little. "Um... I don't think it is, really. This is about you wanting to make sure I'm... not being a freeloader, or whatever." He looked up at me, and then at Lisette. "This apartment belongs to both of you. You've been nice enough to let me stay awhile. I swear, I'll do my part. I'm actively job hunting. And... I can manage that without instructions."
I watched him fold Lise's sheet of notepaper in half, and then in quarters, and slide it toward her. "I'm not a little kid. If you don't trust me... fine. I've got savings. I'll pay one-third rent, and buy all my own groceries. We'll just be temporary roommates."
"Your own groceries!" she exclaimed, her voice dripping with cynicism. "What would that be, a big case of Hot Pockets and gallons of Mountain Dew?"
"Lise!" I cut in sharply. I was surprised by the force of my own voice, and she was too. I hated the condescending way she was speaking to her brother, and I reacted instinctively.
"Cody!" she snapped back. "Butt. Out. I'm not kidding."
"Lise!" Julien exclaimed, sounding close to tears.
"Stop, both of you!" Lisette shrilled, pressing her hands over her ears. "You're driving me crazy!"
Julien and I met eyes silently.
"I have to go to work," she said after a few moments of silence. She pushed away her breakfast dishes and grabbed her purse.
"I should go too," I muttered, quickly putting her dishes in the dishwasher and tucking the breakfast leftovers into the fridge. I turned to Julien, who was looking defeated, his shoulders sagging.
"Hey," I whispered, touching his shoulder briefly while Lise was digging for her keys. "Don't worry, okay? I'll do what I can."
He looked like he wanted to hug me, but he stayed still. "Thanks. Thanks for breakfast. And... for everything."
"You're welcome. I'll be home around half past five."
After giving him a little squeeze, I followed Lise out the door, just barely managing to catch her in the elevator.
"I'm not arguing with you, Cody," she said tightly. "I don't know what's come over the two of you, ganging up on me like that, but I'm not going to argue with you."
"Does that mean you're not willing to have a discussion?"
"It means I'm not impressed with your attitude, and I'm not going to indulge it." She crossed her arms and pursed her lips.
"I'm really not sure what that implies, but I'd like you to at least listen to my opinion. I know he's your brother, and I know you care, and want him to have all the best chances in life. But I don't think you're helping him by... taking over. Remember how stressful it was trying to balance work and college for the first time? He's going through a lot of change, and he's obviously pretty upset about something. The way you're treating him might just be piling on extra stress. I really think you should just let him do his thing. Give him a chance to be an adult... all on his own. Would you consider that?"
Lisette rolled her eyes. "I don't know how many times I need to repeat myself. There's a lot you don't know about Julien - get that through your head! For your information, I'm respecting his privacy by not telling you details. I'm sure he's been sweet-as-can-be with you to try to win you over to his side, but for your own sake, don't take him at face value. Seriously. Trust me when it comes to my brother. I know things you don't, and that's that. Anyway, stress is part of life. No one achieved success without stress. He should be feeling the pressure. If he's not feeling pressure, then I'm going to pressure him. People like you and him think you can just take it easy and coast through life in blissful mediocrity. I won't stand for that."
I swallowed hard. "Mediocrity? Is that what you thought of me when we first met? That I was just some... mediocre slob?"
"Don't take that whiny tone with me. It's really irritating."
"Please answer the question."
"Cody - jeez!" She jangled her keys impatiently as the elevator door opened and we stepped out into the underground parking level. She began to stalk toward her car, her heels clopping and echoing in the cavelike structure.
"Lise!" I called after her.
She whirled around and set a hand on her hip. "WHAT?"
I took a deep, cleansing breath. "Julien at least thanked me for breakfast. I don't remember the last time you did that. I think you could stand to learn from his example a little... rather than the other way around."
She squinted at me, looking both confused and annoyed. "I thank you plenty! What do you want, a parade? And when do you ever thank ME for anything?"
I bit the inside of my cheek. Since we'd moved in, I'd been doing nearly all of the cooking and cleaning. When she did laundry, she did only her own, and even that was because when I'd tried to do ours together, she berated me for mixing different fabrics and wouldn't allow me to touch her clothes again. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be thanking her for. Correcting all of my mistakes? Monitoring my diet? Pointing out every time I put on a few pounds? I did happen to thank her every time she let me have sex with her, but that now seemed like a thing of the distant past.
What an idiot I'd been. What a stupid, mindlessly fawning lap dog.
She finally threw her hands up in frustration and turned back to her car. I retreated to mine, and we both left, driving in opposite directions.
I was in a fog all day at work, trying to puzzle out how to handle Lisette now that I had found a backbone and she wasn't liking it. When I wasn't fretting over this issue, I was distracted thinking of Julien, of how great it had been to hug and cuddle him, of his breathtaking smile and how it made everything seem right with the world. I was also inescapably curious about Lise's warnings about him, about what secrets there might be that they were both keeping from me.
It was with mixed stress and excitement that I returned home at the end of my day. It was Friday night, and we had the weekend ahead of us. Maybe I could take Julien out for some "guy time". I knew Lisette wouldn't like it, but she had "girls' night out" on a regular basis with her friends, and what could she do to stop us? Lock us in a cage like her very own little pets?
When I came in, Julien was sitting on the sofa in a little blanket nest, reading a book. He looked up and gave me a tiny smile.
"Hi," he said softly. "I missed you."
He missed me? Lisette never said things like that. I stood and stared at him, startled by this realization. She didn't seem to miss me when I was gone. Usually it was me who initiated every "I love you". If she gave me a compliment, it was almost always in polite response to something I'd said. How had I been with her so long without noticing these things? Julien seemed to illuminate them because he shone in every way she didn't. Julien was warm and inviting, and made me feel wanted. With Lisette I felt barely adequate, often less than adequate, and was struggling constantly to be better. Was this how she and her mother had both made Julien feel his whole life? Was this what drove their father away?
"I-I'm sorry," Julien stammered after a few long moments of my silent rumination. "Was that... a weird thing to say?"
I shook my head. "No... not at all. I was just thinking of how much I missed you too."
He brightened immediately and set his book down on the coffee table next to his laptop. I approached him, and it seemed perfectly natural to dive down onto the sofa and tackle him with affection. He laughed, and we rolled around in the tangle of blankets, hugging each other tightly. The no-holds-barred way he clung to me was deeply satisfying. We ended up cuddling there on the sofa, embracing and leaning on each other. I was expecting Lise to walk in the door any minute, but for now I would take advantage of every moment alone with her sweet, adorable brother. Julien the Beautiful.
My phone bleeped with a text message notification, and Julien leaned away from me so that I could check it. I pulled my phone from my pocket and found a text from Lisette:
[Working late, don't wait up. Make sure Julien has lots of veggies at dinner. Also take him shoe shopping (NICE job interview shoes, we can buy, budget $80) and haircut too if possible. Pls don't argue!!]
I furrowed my brow at the screen, and moments later showed Julien the text. He made a disgusted face. "She seriously does think we're eight years old, doesn't she?"
I nodded. "I'm starting to think so." I typed out a reply: [Not arguing. Take care.]
I set my phone down with a sigh. "Okay. Julien, do you need new shoes?"
"No, I have nice ones in one of my boxes. I wouldn't wear my Chuck Taylors to a job interview."
"See, I figured you weren't an idiot," I said with a wry grin. "Do you want a haircut?"
"No. I like my hair."
"I like it too. There, we're done that crap. What do you want for dinner?"
His eyes lit up hopefully. "Pizza?"
I grinned. "I don't think I've had pizza in at least six months. Could it at least have veggies on it?"
"As long as it also has pepperoni and sausage and bacon!"
"Good enough for me!" I laughed. "One large super-deluxe pizza, coming up. We could also order a few cans of Coke...?"
"And those cinnamon-sugar things?"
"Mmm, yes!" He wriggled excitedly.
I laughed and grabbed him again, tousling his hair. "Awesome! Tonight's gonna be you and me, and whatever we want to eat!"
He squeezed and nuzzled me, laughing with delight. "You're my favourite brother!"
"Do you have others?" I teased.
"No... but if I did, you'd still be my favourite."
I was once again flooded with affection for him so overwhelming that I wanted to bite him. I was at a loss to understand my own inclinations, but I was loving every moment with him nonetheless. I resisted the urge to gnaw on his sweet face and instead turned my attention back to my phone and made our delivery order.
"Now, we can't have any leftovers, and all the trash needs to go straight down the chute so Lise doesn't find out," I said as we waited. "I hope you're hungry!"
He nodded. "I'm skinny, but I can pack in a lot of pizza!"
"I bet you can," I chuckled, poking his flat stomach.
We continued to chat a while, and eventually I paid attention to the book he'd been reading - it was "Game of Thrones". I asked him if he'd watched the series.
"Not yet, but I own the first season. It was a Christmas present from a friend. I wanted to read the books before watching."
"I've only seen part of an episode. I wanted to give it a chance, but Lise made me turn it off because it was too violent, and... yunno... naked." I laughed awkwardly. "She basically equated it with porn."
His cheeks coloured, and he smiled sheepishly into his lap. "Not surprising. So I guess you're... not allowed to watch porn either?" He ended with a brief chuckle.
I was quiet for a few moments, considering how much I wanted him to know. Well, he already knew his sister wasn't putting out - how much more information could be inappropriate to share at this point? "Nope. She gets, um... pretty upset if I do. She says it's the same as cheating."
He seemed to consider this deeply, and then gave his head a little shake. "So, um... did you wanna watch with me? I won't tell."
I suddenly felt warm and tremulous all over. Julien wanted to watch porn with me! The thought was both shocking and titillating. I'd never watched porn with a friend before. And watching it with a friend I found shockingly attractive, and had deeply enjoyed cuddling with, seemed like a great big Red Flag scenario.
The bell rang, saving me from having to answer - our dinner had arrived. We dove into the pizza with gusto, each grabbing for a slice the moment the box hit the kitchen counter. The slices we took were connected to one another by delectable gobs of molten cheese. They separated unevenly, like a wishbone, and I apparently won the pull - a few too many toppings clung to my slice, leaving his partially denuded.
"Hey - no fair!" he laughed. "Gimme some of that back!"
"Mmmmm!" I groaned indulgently, taking a big, cheesy bite and reveling in the pure joy of sneaking delicious junk food. I grinned smugly and shook my head. "Luck of the draw, kiddo!"
He pouted melodramatically and took a slow bite from his piece, consisting only of crust and sauce.
I laughed and took pity on him. "Awww, who can resist that face?" I plucked a slice of pepperoni from my piece and offered it to him. Grinning cheekily, he leaned down and grabbed it between his teeth. He closed his lips around the tips of my fingers, which thrilled me in that moment far more than I knew was reasonable.
We ate till we were groaning with excess. I made all of the trash and empty soda cans disappear, so that there was no evidence for Lisette to find when she returned home. We even kept the balcony door open for a while to air the place out, both chortling as if we'd gotten away with some kind of caper.
I was feeling a bit liberated, a bit uninhibited, almost as if I were tipsy. I opened the drawer of a side table and pulled out my broken iPad to show Julien. "See that? That's apparently what happens when I get caught with porn."
He clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening in shock. He finally let his hand drop. "She didn't!"
"She did." I nodded slowly.
"She seriously did that because of porn?"
"How are you even... I mean... how do you put up with that?" He cringed. "I'm sorry, but... with my mom I didn't have much choice. She's my mom, and she had the right to punish me. But you... you do have a choice."
I sighed and tucked away the tablet. "Such is the power of self-delusion I suppose. At the time I thought it was... fair. I think I've just been completely lacking in self-esteem, and... I defaulted to her being right about everything, and me being wrong."
He carefully leaned against me, resting his head on my shoulder. "You think that's what they do? People like her, and my mom? Tear down people's self-esteem... so we become dependent on them to feel like we have any value?"
I considered this for a minute. "It's possible that's what they do, although I don't necessarily think they do it on purpose. The way they treat us can seem pretty disrespectful, I guess... but honestly, I think it mostly comes from a place of fear. They're afraid of what might happen if they lose control."
"Hmmm...," he sighed softly, pressing a little closer to my side. "I guess losing control can be scary sometimes. Losing control can be... a disaster. But... maybe sometimes... it's exactly what we need."
My heart thudded so violently, I thought my entire body was vibrating. I inhaled the sweet apple fragrance of his hair and shuddered pleasantly. I craved to be closer to him - the kind of closer that required less clothing in the way. What was happening to me?
Oh hell. I was in love. I had fallen headfirst in love with my girlfriend's little brother. I'd been enchanted with him at first sight, and loved him for sure when he'd given me Oreos. And now I was snuggling with him on the sofa while my girlfriend was out, I was sexually repressed and inescapably horny, and he was talking about needing to lose control. How had I let myself get into this situation? I had never even been curious about guy-on-guy stuff before. Where was this coming from? Did he know what effect he was having on me? Was he torturing me on purpose, or was he just a sweet, cuddly, lonely kid who liked to "male bond" in a slightly out-of-the-ordinary manner?
I didn't have time to ponder for long, as I received another text message from Lisette. When I read it, all of my whirling thoughts of Julien faded, and the indulgent meal turned to stone in my stomach:
[We should see other people.]
I stared at the message, failing to comprehend the full meaning of it.
"What is it?" Julien asked softly, noticing my stricken expression.
"Hang on," I said distractedly, typing.
[What? U breaking up w/ me?]
Her reply came a minute later: [No not exactly. Trial separation I guess?]
My thumbs moved frantically. [Why? B/c I disagreed with u for the 1st time EVER??]
[So sick of your attitude. Need a break.]
I gaped at this message. What did she mean? I had an inkling, but I didn't want to assume. I typed anyway: [R u seeing someone already? Is that why? Ur already seeing someone else. Ur not really "working late"....]
I waited a few minutes for a reply, while Julien sat patiently beside me. Finally, she responded:
[Well, you cheated, Cody, so you chose this. We might as well just call it what it is. We're both seeing other people and that's that.]
My breath came in short, harsh puffs. My thumbs stabbed at the tiny keyboard: [PORN ISNT CHEATING!!!]
[Disagree. Done with this. Don't expect me back tonight. Turning off my phone now.]
My hands were trembling hard. I could barely breathe. I was finding it impossible to process this. Even though I knew now it wasn't true, my brain insisted on panic - if I lost Lisette, I would lose everything. I would be nobody.
Julien touched my arm. "Are you okay?" he breathed.
"I don't... know," I said woodenly. I scrolled back through the brief conversation. After a few moments' consideration, I passed him my phone, letting him read the whole thing.
"Oh... shit," he finally whispered. "Shit. Oh, that's.... I don't even know what to say."
I shook my head slowly. "Me neither."
There was an uncomfortable silence, and then I heard the noise of a new text message. Julien was still looking at my phone, so he saw it first.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god!" he gasped. He stared at the screen, eyes growing wider and wider. "No - oh, you fucking bitch!"
I watched him, morbidly fascinated, as he doubled over, my phone still clutched in his hand. "What does it say?" I whispered. "Do I want to know?"
He didn't answer, but his shoulders were shaking. I realized he was crying. I waited. At last, he dropped my phone on the coffee table and shifted away from me. He grabbed his teddy bear and retreated to the balcony.
I took a few cleansing breaths before picking up my phone to see the new message:
[BTW I might as well warn you about your new BFF Julien. He didn't get kicked out because mom's moving. He got kicked out because he's a little perv. He's been going through a thing where he thinks he's gay, and he got caught with some truly disgusting stuff on his computer, sent dick pics to all his friends, and sexually assaulted his prom date. He was nearly arrested. If he acts all sad about not having friends, it's his own doing. Maybe you think he's a nice kid, but he's basically an amateur predator. Just watch out. For your own sake.]
I shut my eyes and set my phone aside, silently processing this. My own problems slowly evaporated in the face of the accusations being levelled at Julien. I could only assume that whatever he'd done, it had been greatly exaggerated. It was difficult not to ignore everything else in favour of the one, seemingly most salient fact here: that Julien - Julien the Beautiful - was gay.
I left my phone on the coffee table and walked stiffly to the balcony as if I'd been programmed. I could feel my own heartbeat in every one of my fingertips.
It was windy, and Julien's hair was whipping around wildly. He was shivering, probably with tears, but it was also chilly out. His mouth and nose were pressed against his bear's fuzzy head, muffling his sobs.
"How much of it is true?" I asked loudly to be heard over the wind. I stood behind one of his shoulders, almost leaning on it as he'd leaned on me this morning while I prepared breakfast.
He sniffled a few times and lowered the teddy bear a few inches. "Some," he said hoarsely. "Only some. I swear."
"I believe you," I said, wrapping my arms around him from behind and squeezing him until he stopped shaking. I spoke closely into his ear: "Come inside. Tell me everything. I want to hear your side."
He sniffled again, and gradually leaned back against me. "I... I think you're the first person to actually mean that."
I kissed the top of his head, and then ushered him gently inside. I didn't take him to the sofa, but all the way to the bedroom.
"Stay here with me tonight? You might as well not sleep on the sofa, when half of this big bed is going to waste." I crawled in, pushing back the blankets.
He wiped his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed, still hugging his bear.
"I mean... unless it's weird to be... in your sister's spot," I added.
He shrugged. "Not really. It's not like anyone's been having sex in this bed." He glanced back and gave me the tiniest smile.
In a few moments, we were both laughing. Julien finally lay down beside me. He pulled out his phone and fiddled with it for a minute. "Thanks for... not judging," he whispered.
"I trust you, so long as you don't give me any reason not to."
He sighed. "Okay. So. Um... my mom and my sister really don't... get it. I'm not... 'going through a thing'. I've always been gay. It's just been... hard to be honest about it. I come from a pretty homophobic family."
I thought about this. Was Lisette a homophobe? I didn't recall ever witnessing her disparage gays, but she certainly didn't have any gay friends.
"Not surprising that it should be difficult for you," I remarked. "I think it must have taken a lot of guts to come out."
"Yeah. It caused, um... a bit of a shitstorm. But the hardest thing maybe... was having a huge crush on my best friend."
Julien rolled a little closer to me, and showed me a photo on his phone. It was a picture of him and another good-looking guy, both in tuxedos and looking as happy as I'd ever seen a couple look. They each had an arm around the other, and with their free hands they were both lifting a pant leg to show off their matching Chuck Taylors. I smiled. They were the same shoes as sat in our entranceway right now.
"That was prom," he whispered. "He took me - my friend Miles. Everyone at school thought he was a hero... because he was supposedly straight... and not ashamed to be his gay buddy's date. I came out like... six months beforehand. Miles knew I liked him, and even though he told me he wasn't bi-curious or anything... he'd sort of... get romantic with me here and there, because he knew it would make me happy."
He lifted his teddy bear, poking at its little red heart. "He gave me this on Valentine's Day. And then when he asked me to prom... I was stupid enough to think it meant something." He squeezed the bear against his chest. "I think Miles was... confused. Maybe I was too. But I was sure I was in love with him. And with all these signals he gave me... I always had hope there was a chance."
I lay on my side, watching him gaze up at the ceiling. "I don't think that's stupid at all."
"Well, I definitely did get stupid later on," he sighed, pressing the bear against his face for a few moments. "Prom was such a good time. It was amazing being his date. He was so sweet to me. He held me so tight when we danced. Everyone loved us together."
He sniffled and narrowly held back a fresh bout of tears. "We went to his place afterward. Just... hung out in his room. I was so excited. It seemed like... anything could happen. He told me... 'You can kiss me if you want to. I'll let you.' So I... I kissed him. I was like, really... really attracted to him. He started, um... touching himself. Like... through his pants. We were both, like... turned on."
I stayed silent, barely breathing.
"He was really... acting like he wanted something... yunno?" Julien continued. He crossed his arms over his eyes and groaned. "I opened up his pants and I... I touched him. He didn't stop me or anything. He just looked me in the eyes as I touched him. It was just the most incredible moment of my life. And then... then his mom walked in on us. She... freaked out. And Miles... he freaked out even more. He hit me... he fucking hit me! He yelled at me and acted like I'd just groped him uninvited, out of nowhere. He complained to his mom and she threatened to call the police. I was so scared, I just... I just ran outta there. I just ran home."
He rolled over, facing away from me and shaking with more sobs. I shifted closer and cuddled against him, holding both him and his bear. "Shhh," I soothed. "It's okay. You're safe now."
He shivered and placed his hand over mine. "He called me later... to apologize. Said he had to act that way so his mom wouldn't know he was, like, experimenting. I believed everything he told me. He said he... liked me touching him, and wanted to do it again. He said he... he wanted to... see me naked. But he didn't know how... how we could manage it. Since his mom was like... not wanting him to be near me anymore. So he asked me to send him a pic. He begged me. Ugh... I'm such a moron. I took a pic and texted it to him, and made him promise to be careful. He promised... but I never talked to him again. Next time we were at school... I found out nearly every guy we knew had gotten a copy of my photo. He must have used one of those apps that masks your number... because it looked like it was from me. Seemed like everyone was either laughing at me... or wanting to hurt me."
"Shhhhit," I breathed. It had been a long, long time since I'd uttered a swear word - Lisette didn't approve - but the situation certainly called for it. "What a bastard."
"Yup. It was a good thing the school year was basically over. I might've got suspended or something." He sniffled noisily. "I just... can't understand why he'd turn on me like that. We'd been best friends for years. He always acted like he was fine with me being gay...."
I squeezed him close to my body. "Probably one of those fear things," I whispered. "He probably wanted you, but he was afraid of what it would mean if he gave in to those feelings. So he lashed out. I think people are at their worst when they let fear control them."
He was quiet for nearly a minute. "I never really thought of it that way. That... that actually kind of makes sense." He sighed, shivering a little. "I've been torn between love and hate for Miles. Now I kind of feel sorry for him. I resented so much that he... ruined me so effortlessly... and everyone still thought he was a hero. A martyr, even... for having been 'victimized' by me after he'd been such a good sport about fake dating me. But... he knows the truth in his own heart. And it's a shame he couldn't face it."
"He really missed out," I whispered.
He pressed my hand and went quiet again. After a while, he whispered back: "My sister's missing out too. She has no idea what a good thing she's had all this time."
I smiled unsteadily at the back of his head. "Usually people remark on how unbelievable it is that I managed to score a catch like her."
"They've got it completely backwards."
I pressed my face into his hair, nuzzling him. He pushed his body back against me, and for a few minutes we just snuggled. It was a snuggle I would have traded my entire two-year relationship with Lisette for. I could not recall ever feeling so contented, or so connected to someone.
"So...," he finally continued, "my mom found out about the picture as well as my, um... encounter with Miles. Both our moms had... quite the discussion. Police were involved, briefly... nothing ever came of it. They didn't want much to do with the 'he said, he said' nonsense of a couple of teenagers fooling around after prom. They wanted to know about the photo, but I was already eighteen when I took it, so it was really nothing more than a joke and a waste of time for them. My mom still treated me like a sex offender though. I really should have wiped my browser history. I really, really should have. There was a some pretty 'out there' stuff... especially after things went bad with Miles. I was in a dark place. A bad combination of being horny and hating myself. It was... nothing illegal, I swear. I don't think. Just... like...."
"You don't have to tell me."
"Do you... want to know what I watched? Or would you rather not?"
I considered this for a few moments. "I'll admit to being curious. But you're not obligated."
"It's okay. I think... I think I'd rather you just know the absolute worst." He sighed deeply. "Really, just... I watched a helluva lot of gay porn. Whatever was available. It's not that I necessarily liked all of it. Like I said... I was in a dark place, and I just... I sampled everything. Hardcore BDSM... gangbangs and orgies.... Um, uh... watersports." He paused. "Mom cried. And then she screamed at me... and took away all my Internet privileges. And made me feel really horrible about myself." He paused again. "Do you think I'm a perv?"
"Of course not!" I replied, feeling strangely relieved. "Julien... everyone gets curious. Your mother and sister strike me as incredibly narrow-minded, maybe even deluded. I think they might be surprised by just how normal you are."
"Y-you think so?"
"Yeah," I chuckled. "I've certainly watched stuff like that. It's the Internet - it's freely available, and curiosity is normal. I can't say I've watched much in the way of guy-on-guy... but certainly, some 'extreme' stuff. I guess I was lucky I was watching something fairly vanilla when Lise caught me, or she might've broken more than my iPad." I paused, lowering my voice to a soft whisper. "If you still wanted to watch... I'm open to pretty much anything."
He became very still. "H-huh?"
My heart thudded. "Uh...? Before the pizza came... remember, you were asking if I wanted to watch...?"
He pulled in a short gasp. "Ohh.... Um. Uh... oh. I actually meant... 'Game of Thrones'. I wanted to watch 'Game of Thrones' with you. S-sorry that wasn't... clear."
"Oh!" My face burned hotly, and my heart pounded. I chuckled awkwardly. "Oh... of course! Of course that's what you meant. We can watch that... yeah! I'd love to. I mean, if you still want to."
"Ummm.... Ha. So... you thought I wanted to watch porn with you, and you were... into it?"
I regulated my breathing carefully. "Mmm... mm-hm."
His thumb stroked my hand twice, softly, driving me crazy. "And if I only watch... gay stuff?"
"That would be... okay."
He swallowed. I heard his throat click. "Cody? What are you... thinking right now? What are you... feeling?"
I deeply inhaled the scent of his hair and shivered. "Well... what I'm thinking is that Lise is pretty ignorant of the fact that she's systematically repressed me to the point that I became lonely and sexually starved, and then gave me carte blanche to see other people, at the very same time as she left me alone with her gorgeous... sweet... huggable... absolutely delicious gay brother."
Julien released a long, trembling breath, and sucked in another one, holding it tightly.
"What I'm feeling is...," I continued, whispering in his ear, "ravenously horny. But even more than that... I'm pretty sure I'm in love."
He let out the breath he'd been holding, and this time it was accompanied by a small squeak.
"I'm sorry if this is a lot at once," I continued. "I don't know why all these words are coming out but I can't seem to stop them. You can probably feel my heart - it feels like it's going to burst right through my ribcage. I know I'm probably on the rebound or something right now, and maybe this is a terrible idea, and I know I don't hold a candle to your Miles in the looks department, but if you ever had any interest in kissing me, now would be a good time, because I'm having a hard time stopping myself from rambling and...."
He rolled over abruptly, forcing me to let go of him. In one smooth movement, he pushed my shoulders down so that I was lying flat, slung a leg over to straddle me, collapsed over me, and sandwiched my face between his hands. He stopped my mouth with his own, and I melted into the sweetest, hottest, most smouldering kiss of my life. I gripped Julien by his hips and pulled him tight against me. My hands slid up his body, beneath his shirt. He was very warm, and very soft. His lips were even warmer, even softer, and deliciously slick as they slid against my own. His tongue darted against my lips, and I parted them eagerly, letting him invade me.
Julien's kiss claimed me; his kiss taught me what a kiss was supposed to be. With Lisette, each one was like a treat thrown to a dog for good behaviour - something she gave away to occasionally reward me. Julien's kiss wasn't a treat, or even a gift. I felt his hunger, not just in his lips and tongue but all over his body. Julien kissed me out of want - need, even. It was a mutual need, and it was an intimate connection shared equally by both of us. Our tongues clashed and twined; we tasted each other's desire, and it fuelled the heat.
I realized his body was beginning to rock a little as we made out passionately. I was unaccustomed to being so close to another guy, and it was a little bit of a shock, and an instant fascination as well as a source of intense arousal when I felt a hard pressing against my lower belly that could only be the hardness of an erection trapped inside his jeans. He was gently, perhaps unconsciously, pressing his cock against me. Humping me.
Keeping my mouth fixed on his, kissing him continuously, I slid my hands back down to his hips and urged him to slide a little ways down my body. He shifted inch by inch until I could feel the stiffness of his erection colliding with my own. I groaned urgently against his mouth, and he suddenly reared back with a huge gasp. He propped his hands on my chest and panted, staring down at me with pure astonishment. His stunningly beautiful eyes were wide and wild.
"I'm s-sorry!" he huffed.
"Why? I asked you for it!"
"I... I'm... losing control!" He looked slightly sheepish.
"Sometimes we need to lose control. You said that." I ran my hands up and down his sides.
He bit down on his precious pink lip, and took on an expression of deep concern, his smooth, youthful brow knitting very slightly. "I like you too much!" he burst out, his voice trembling. "I don't want to ruin another friendship!"
"You haven't ruined any," I soothed. "Miles was the one who ruined that friendship. And I'm not him. You're safe with me. I want you, Julien - I am one hundred percent certain of that."
The worry on his brow relaxed a little, and he gave a slightly wobbly smile. He sniffed and wiped at the corners of his eyes. "Cody... Cody. I... I don't want to just fool around... you know? I want a boyfriend really bad."
I took his hand and kissed his fingers, tasting the salt of his tears. "I'd be your boyfriend." I kissed his palm. "If you'd have a schlub like me."
He looked astonished again, and his chest rose and fell rapidly. "What about... her?"
I shook my head slowly. "I'm done. It took you to make me realize that she never made me a better man. She only ever tore me down. She never loved me - she loved the person she was trying to make me into. My big mistake was loving a pretty face enough to overlook everything that wasn't pretty." I reached up and stroked his bottom lip with my thumb. "You're prettier. This mouth - this is the sexiest mouth I've ever seen. When you smile, I nearly die every time." I drew my fingers up his cheek, and my thumb stroked his eyebrow. "These eyes - these are the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. Ancient armies could have gone to war for eyes like these. You're the most beautiful creature in the world... and the best part is, your beauty goes all the way through."
He dropped his head and let out a little squeak. "I don't know what to say to that."
"You could always kiss me again...?"
He laughed unsteadily and collapsed over me again, bringing his mouth close to mine. He paused, and I groaned to feel his warm breath on my lips.
"I just need you to promise one thing," he whispered.
I trembled beneath him. "What's that?"
"Don't put yourself down anymore. That's what my sister did, and I'd hate to see you carrying that on. I think you're super cute... and if you're gonna be my boyfriend, I'll be reminding you all the time how adorable and sexy you are. It's only right that you believe me."
"You think I'm sexy...?" I breathed, slipping my hands up under his shirt. My cock throbbed of its own volition. By the way his eyes flicked down and the light gasp that momentarily cooled my wet lips, I knew he had felt it.
"Hell. Yes." He punctuated each word with a small, intimate kiss.
He sat up just long enough to strip off his shirt, and then our mouths connected with heat and hunger. I was completely unaware of the passage of time as we kissed, and my hands explored his soft, bare skin. Julien was a sensory feast, and I was ravenous. I remembered how deliciously satisfying it had felt to hug him for the first time, and this was that feeling multiplied, plus an overwhelming dose of erotic thrill as he penetrated my mouth with his tongue and began again to gently press his hardness against mine.
"Ohhh!" I groaned as we finally paused to catch our breath. I felt charged up from head to toe, and hard as granite. "Is it just me, or is this better than sex?"
His seductive mouth curled into a cheeky smirk. "Umm... I only really have self-pleasure and porn to compare anything to. But... kinda sounds like you've had some pretty lousy sex." His fingers played teasingly with my shirt buttons.
"Very possibly," I chuckled. I flicked open my top button and nodded, giving him permission to help himself. His smile widened, ramping up my pulse, and I reached up to slide a finger over his bottom lip. "My pretty virgin...."
He caught my finger in his mouth and sucked on it as he unbuttoned my shirt from top to bottom. I breathed heavily, enjoying this little preview of his oral skills. He let go of my finger once he had exposed me from the waist up, and ran his hands over my belly and chest before lying down on top of me and wriggling a little. We both relished the sensation of bare skin on bare skin.
"This feels so good," he whispered, kissing my neck and cheek.
"Mm-hmm," I agreed.
"I'm really turned on right now," he breathed into my ear. "Really, really, really,"
"I can tell," I whispered back. "And I am too."
"I can tell," he giggled, humping me firmly and growling a little.
"Oh!" I gasped at the pressure and friction. "Are you, uh... also feeling really... confined?" I tugged on his belt loops. "These jeans, uh... if you were inclined to take them off... you know, for the sake of comfort...?"
He giggled again. "Oh, you wouldn't mind that?"
"No, I wouldn't complain."
He sat up and undid his button and zipper. I couldn't stop staring at the silhouette of his hard cock. Was this happening? Was I really about to experience another guy's hard-on? I was having undeniably lustful thoughts about it.
"One second," he said sheepishly, climbing down off of me and standing up so that he could properly remove his pants. He faced away from me as he did so, and when his jeans dropped, I held my breath. He was wearing a snug pair of red briefs that emphasized the pert outlines of his round buttocks.
"Wow," I exhaled.
He peeked back over his shoulder coyly. "You like my butt?"
"Yeahhh," I said stupidly, unable to remove my eyes from it. I had thought Lisette had the market cornered on cute butts, but here it was, most certainly right in front of me - the cutest butt in the entire world. Julien eclipsed all others in the cute butt department. "Umm... if you start walking around the apartment without pants, I'm not going to be able to look anywhere else."
"Not even... here?" He turned around with a sly grin, the tip of his tongue protruding slightly from between his lips. He rubbed a hand gently back and forth across his now barely-contained erection.
"Uhhhh...!" My eyes followed the movement of his hand, fascinated. Unthinkingly I mumbled, "Lise sure didn't have THAT...."
His hand stopped. I looked up, and his face was somewhat startled, his eyes wide and round.
"Oh... shit," I breathed, slapping a hand over my mouth for a few moments. My cheeks burned hotly. "I'm sorry - that was an idiotic thing to say. I'm seriously the most awkward person in the world. I don't know what possessed me to talk about your sister in a context like this! I'm sorry! Did I ruin it?"
After a brief pause he burst into laughter, and rubbed at his bulge once more, which, fortunately, had not noticeably diminished. "No, I guess not." He shuffled forward and stood at the edge of the bed, gazing down at me with an unmistakably lustful gleam in his warm hazel eyes. "You can talk about her... just so long as it's about how I'm better."
I nodded slowly. "Already, making out with you has been better than sex with her - I don't think you have anything to worry about."
He slid his hands up his front and pressed them overtop of his nipples with a little pout. "I don't have tits, though."
I shrugged. "I'm not complaining. I always was more of an ass man anyway." I tentatively reached out to touch his bare thigh, drawing my fingers ever so slowly upward.
"Touch me," he invited in a low whisper, spreading his arms. "Anywhere."
I sat up and let my legs dangle down over the side of the bed, with Julien standing between my knees. I watched his eyes as I let both of my hands rest fully on his upper thighs, sliding around the backs. I wasn't accustomed to having this sort of freedom to touch someone. My gaze roamed over him, every inch, now and then returning to his eyes - those warm hazel eyes, flecked with green and gold - to make sure he was still okay with this.
"Go on," he whispered, smirking down at me with his achingly sexy mouth. "I gave you permission. Don't you believe me? Touch!"
I let my thumbs slide up until they made contact with the lower edge of his whimsically bright red underpants, and his expression only grew friendlier. This freedom was so heady, I felt dizzy. I took a breath and moved my hands up to cup his butt cheeks fully. We both gasped. His face reflected the astonished delight on mine. I squeezed him gently, and then more firmly, making him grin. His ass felt amazing in my hands. It was perfect - just the right size, and the ideal balance of firmness and softness.
"You really are an ass man, aren't you?" he laughed, pushing back a little against my hands.
"Now more than ever," I chuckled, continuing to cup and knead his butt as I leaned forward and pressed my face against his belly. It, too, was perfect - both firm and soft. I nuzzled him, worshipping his soft young skin. I kissed and licked him, poking my tongue into his cute bellybutton, drawing a brief yelp from him in the midst of a sea of happy gasps.
I worked my way meticulously downward, kissing, nuzzling, inhaling the fresh scent of him, until my chin bumped against his veiled erection.
"Oh... hello," I whispered. I sat back, staring at it. There was a little circle of dampness staining the fabric near the tip of his cock. "Ohh...."
"Touch," he breathed once more. "Oh, shit... I can't stand it. Please touch me!"
I had been ready to tease him a little more, but the urgency of his yearning was contagious, and I wanted his cock immediately. I gripped his shaft through the fabric, eliciting a loud moan from him that pleased me immensely. I stroked its length just as he had done, and he plopped his hands onto my shoulders, leaning on me to steady himself.
"I'm gonna take these off now," I whispered, tugging at the waistband of his briefs.
I grinned at his order and tucked my fingers beneath the fabric of his underpants, sliding them down slowly. His erection leaped out at me, nearly hitting me in the face. His briefs finally dropped to the floor, and he stepped out of them and kicked them aside, still holding onto my shoulders. I curled a fist around the base of his shaft and stroked it firmly, to the tip, and back down, and up again. Julien threw his head back and groaned at the ceiling. Precum drooled from his tip, enticingly.
"I want you so much," I exhaled, every inch of me surging with ravenous need.
"Please!" he whimpered.
"Mmm...." I lapped at his oozing tip to catch the precum, and he sucked in a breath sharply, his grip on my shoulders tightening almost painfully. The salty taste and slick texture of the clear fluid pleased me intensely, and I licked again, this time with a slower, broader stroke.
"Fuck!" he blurted out, all of him twitching at the touch of my tongue.
I smiled widely. F-words had never entered our bedroom before Julien. I was greatly enjoying the presence of the forbidden syllable. Lisette's embargo on profanity had made it an irresistibly potent taboo.
"Say that again," I whispered against the scarlet tip of his erection before inserting it between my lips and gently sucking as if he were a lollipop.
"Haaafuck!" he blurted unsteadily. "Oh - Cody, fuck, fuck!"
It was hard to suck on him with how much I wanted to grin, but I managed, swirling my tongue around him and then slurping a little. I tried to take in a little more of him, surprised by how naturally I was taking to cocksucking. His flesh was warm and sweet and comfortable in my mouth. Julien didn't have an uncommonly great length, so I didn't have to get as far as choking myself with him before my lips reached the edge of my fist, which still gripped his shaft at the base. I gently pumped him while I sucked, giving him the royal treatment I had never been favoured with myself.
"Fuck-fuck-fuckedy-damn-shit-fucking-hell yeah!" he exclaimed boisterously.
I couldn't help but snort a laugh at the words that tumbled from his mouth, and accidentally inhaled a bit of saliva in the clumsy chaos of trying to laugh with a cock in my mouth. I had to pull off and collapsed into a coughing fit, which was punctuated with additional laughter.
Julien collapsed down onto the bed beside me and curled up. "I'm sorry!" he moaned through his hands, which were partially covering up his face.
"Don't!" I wheezed, gradually getting a handle on breathing again. Once I was no longer coughing, though still shaken by the occasional snicker, I leaned over him and gathered up his tightly bunched body in my arms. "This is new to both of us. Don't worry. We're both kinda awkward right now I guess."
He peeked out from behind his hands. "Did I ruin it?" he whispered, the sly gleam in his beautiful eyes reflecting that he was echoing my earlier concern quite deliberately.
I grinned down at him and kissed his bare shoulder. "Why don't you give me a feel, and see if you've ruined anything?"
His hand crept out and slid curiously up my thigh. When it came in contact with the stiffened flesh beneath my pants, he gasped. "Wow, you're so hard," he whispered.
"About as hard as you are, gorgeous."
"Ohh...," he sighed. The clumsy moment had vanished in an instant, and he uncurled himself to give attention to my lap, nuzzling his face against my thigh, and his cheek brushed against my cock, ramping up my breathing in a hurry. I sank down onto my back and unbuttoned my pants, feeling almost panicked.
"Let me!" Julien insisted, and I lifted my butt in order to allow him to slide my pants down. He left my boxers on and straightaway pressed his face against the mound of my genitals; I groaned aloud. I stared down at Julien with wide eyes as he rubbed his nose and mouth against the fabric that barely concealed my stiff erection and aching balls. He wanted it - he wanted me. He wanted to bury his face in my most sensitive parts. He desired me, and hungered for me. I had never experienced this from Lisette, or anyone.
"You're amazing," I panted. "You're incredible. Julien... beautiful. Everything you do is perfect!"
My cock muffled the brief laugh that slipped from his eager mouth. He raised his head for a few moments. "You too, Cody."
We grinned at each other. His eyes were watering a little. When the outline of him became blurry, I realized mine were too. What was happening between us was a revelation. My whole world was going supernova, and a new one was forming, with this beautiful young man at its centre.
His fingers teased beneath the waistband of my boxers as he kept his eyes on me. His expression turned slightly uncertain. I remembered what he'd told me about his friend Miles - this would have been the turning point for him, where everything went wrong. I wanted to assure him that wasn't going to happen this time.
"Keep going," I whispered, stroking his hair and massaging his neck gently. "I want it. I want you."
He pursed his lips, shut his eyes, and breathed for a few moments. When he opened his eyes again, they were calmer. I heard his breath quivering a little as he tugged on my boxers. Again I raised my butt to give him room. He slid my underwear down, and my erection slapped against my belly. He stared at it, and then he looked up at me. He kept his eyes on mine as he slid his fingers across my now naked cock, and I shuddered at the thrill of the gentle, intimate touch. I could see the smirk that wanted to bloom at the corners of his maddeningly sexy mouth, and I froze in anticipation of it.
His soft hand wrapped around my cock, and began to stroke. I could not resist moaning - it felt so, so good. His hidden smile finally broke out in response to the noises I made, and I felt a burst of affection and excitement wash over me. I petted his hair again, but my movements were clumsier this time. I could scarcely resist trembling.
"Do you have any idea," I panted, "what you're doing to me?"
"Yes," Julien whispered back. "Because I know what you did to me when you touched me... and licked me... and sucked me."
He turned his full attention to my scarlet-tipped penis, making gentle twisting motions as he stroked it repeatedly, now and then passing his thumb across the slit. It was a pleasing technique, and made me gasp, especially when his thumb spread oozing precum over the head of my cock. I gasped at the intense feeling of being so skilfully pleasured by Julien's hands.
My eyes widened when he leaned down slowly to bring his mouth close to that slick, sensitive flesh. Just feeling the brief warmth of his breath on me as he paused, lips parted and ready to taste me, I nearly lost my mind. At last he gave my cock the gentlest kiss, and I cried out with a loud, "OH!"
He smiled widely and kissed me again, the touch of his lips surer and firmer. The tip of his tongue poked out and followed the slit all the way across the head of my cock, and the noise that emerged from my throat could only have been described as a howl.
"Wow, you are really responsive!" Julien giggled, his eyes flicking up to meet mine. "Makes me feel a lot better about being completely inexperienced. Guess it's been a long time since you've had this kind of treatment."
"Uh, yeah, it's been about... since never!" I panted.
He paused, lips tantalizingly close to my cock. "Never?" he whispered. "I mean... literally, from anyone? She never...?"
I shook my head. "It's almost like my body grosses her out, and she just... puts up with it once in a while for intercourse."
His expression twisted in both commiseration and anger. His fist tightened around my shaft, and he suddenly looked determined. "It's about time you got the treatment you deserve, Cody. You deserve it! Not just to be kissed, and licked, and sucked... but to have someone who wants to. Someone who thinks your body is yummy, and wants every inch of it."
I gasped as he grinned and dove back down to slaver all over my hard-on, pressing his mouth hungrily against my most private bits, as greedily as a toddler with a cupcake. It was true - he wasn't just doing me a favour. As with his kisses, he was giving me this treatment because he desired it. He desired me. I fought not to squirm beneath him. There was no technique to what he did. He just licked me raw, nuzzled me, kissed me, and slid as much of me inside his mouth as he could get. I lost track of the wild noises of approval I was making, but Julien looked blissfully happy and proud as he went about his oral labours. My hands groped for something to grab onto; the pleasure was almost too much to handle. I twisted the sheets in my fists and groaned.
Julien began to give me more focused attention, sealing his lips tightly around my shaft and bobbing up and down as well as doing what he could with his tongue. The sensations were incredible, and it thrilled me extra to know we were both completely new at giving and receiving blowjobs. My cock was only for Julien's mouth, and his was only for mine.
"That's so good, so good!" I babbled, squeezing him between my legs. "Julien! My beautiful... my beautiful Julien. If you keep that up... I'm gonna... ohh man! I'm gonna...."
"Mmmm!" he growled, sucking harder on me and really pumping with his fist below where his lips could reach. His other hand slid up my belly and chest, found one of my nipples, and pinched and twisted it.
"Oh!" I groaned, squirming. "Oh! So close. Are you sure? AH! Fffff...."
He nodded even while trying to swallow my cock. His eyes had mostly been closed as he threw himself into the experience of pleasuring me, but now they were wide open and fixed on mine.
"Fuck!" I finally belted out, euphorically letting loose the deeply buried instinct for profanity at the same time as I released an enormous load of cum in several powerful surges, all of it straight into Julien's pretty, no-longer-virgin mouth. I felt the pleasure of my orgasm radiating all up and down my body. My legs quivered; my hands trembled.
He had to pull off of my cock when his mouth filled to capacity, but there was one final spurt from me that splattered down his chin. A little of the milky fluid in his mouth dribbled down to join it. I could only stare dumbly at this gorgeous young man, Julien the Beautiful, with the sexiest mouth in the world, tasting my own cum. That perfect mouth was dripping and overflowing with it. His jaw shifted back and forth; I watched him taste and savour my milky seed. I half expected him to jump up to spit in the bathroom sink, but his hazel eyes were contented beneath heavy lids and long lashes, and he swallowed. He licked his lips and swallowed again. He ran a finger across his chin to catch the stray dribbles and splatters of cum still remaining, and licked them reverently.
"That was... okay?" I whispered haltingly. "You... liked it?"
"Cody," he panted, gripping my thighs and gazing down at me intensely. "I love it. I. Love. It. You hear me? I would suck you off a hundred thousand times."
A shaky smile spread across my face as he sank down to get a last few licks of my hypersensitive cock, making sure not to let a single drop of my issue go to waste. I watched him in absolute awe, partially because I was still mostly hard. I was impossibly aroused. I was resilient. I wanted more of him.
He crawled up beside me, and I circled my arms around his slim body, clutching him close to my side. He placed his mouth next to my ear and whispered: "Would you kiss a guy whose mouth you just jizzed in?"
I laughed and turned to face him, answering by slipping my tongue between his slick, pink lips and kissing him deeply, surprised at how much I enjoyed the taste of my own fluids on him. We kissed deeply and slowly, savouring one another's mouths, cuddling close and turning each other on with wet, hot, passionate making out. My hand worked its way down his smooth body, toward the hardness that kept pressing against my bare thigh. I gripped it and squeezed it, making him moan into my mouth. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to hold Julien's erect penis in my hand, his flesh deliciously silky against my palm and radiating heat.
I broke the kiss at last so that I could talk to him. "Julien, no one's ever made me feel the way you have," I whispered. "Your mouth on me was so intense. It was so, so good. Not just the physical feeling of it, but the way you really... enjoyed me. I've never felt so wanted. Now I want you to feel what I felt, and I want to feel what you felt. I want you in my mouth again. I want to taste you. I want to be the one to bring you to the brink."
He breathed faster and kissed me once more before letting me go and rolling onto his back. "Cody, you're really wonderful!" he whimpered.
"You are, sweetheart," I assured him as I wriggled down the bed and tucked myself between his spread knees. I grinned at his luscious erection, straining to be pleasured. I rested both of my hands on his lower belly and massaged up and down his front with slow, gentle movements as I lowered my mouth over his excited cock. Once again I found it difficult to properly tighten my lips around his shaft as I had such an instinct to grin. The way his breathing became even more rapid, his chest and belly heaving, made me think of a cute little puppy.
Finally I was sucking him properly, tasting more of his salty precum and enjoying the way the fleshy head of his cock bumped against the back of my mouth. I licked him broadly, and then slid my tongue around him in circles, relishing all of the little gasps and moans I was able to inspire. He wrapped both of his legs around me, keeping me snugly against him. I kept massaging his chest, stomach, and sides as my mouth worked his cock. Having someone to touch, someone to spoil, was an enormous treat for me.
He let out a less-than-manly squeal when I sucked first one testicle, and then the other, into my mouth. I enjoyed a brief chuckle before returning to his shaft, wrapping my lips tightly around him and starting to bob up and down, as he had done on me. Julien was going crazy, writhing beneath me and jerking his hips upward, first clumsily, and then gradually meeting my rhythm. He thrust into my mouth gleefully, and I could feel that he was very close to climaxing as I continued to pet him everywhere I could reach.
"Grab my ass!" he hollered.
I did not hesitate for even a moment, desperate to obey. My hands slid straight down and underneath him as his pelvis thrust up off the mattress. I firmly squeezed the twin globes of his cute butt, and a few of my fingers inadvertently slipped deeper into the cleft between his cheeks than I had intended. He seemed to enjoy it. He enjoyed it a lot, in fact.
"Yes, fuck yes, fuck, fuck!" he wailed.
My eyes lingered on his expression, fascinated. He looked absolutely transported, his eyes rolling back. He shook his head back and forth as if he couldn't believe how good it felt. In the heat of the moment, I dug in a little more with one of my middle fingers, stroking gently against his tight little pucker.
Julien exploded. He screamed out a series of profanities in French and jerked his hips rapidly, alternately forcing his erupting cock deeper into my mouth, and pressing his asshole back against my massaging finger. I felt his hot cum jet powerfully against the roof of my mouth. The force of it was astounding, and the taste of him was robust and fascinating. I welcomed more of it as it flooded over my tongue. I continued to suck him in as he ejaculated repeatedly, jerking and writhing against me. My desire for him was all-consuming; I could have taken his whole body into my mouth and just devoured him.
I swallowed repeatedly, and his orgasm finally let up. His bum settled down, my hands still willingly trapped beneath it. His cock softened a little, but not much. Like me, he remained charged with sexual stamina, and I knew the evening wasn't going to end here. I pulled off of him very slowly, my lips finally closing into a kiss at the tip of his cock.
"This," I whispered, kissing his wet, blushing tip once more. "This penis. It's mine. I want it. The way you feel and the way you taste... and oh, man! You shot so hard. Right in my mouth. That was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced."
"Me... jizzing in your mouth?" he laughed shakily, lazily squirming and stretching his arms up against the headboard. He looked so precious, sleepy-eyed, gratified, and mildly amused. His mouth was wet, extra pink, and so cheeky. I thought back to all the times I'd been so overwhelmed by the sight of his darling face that I'd wanted to bite him. Now that we were on blowjob terms, I finally felt like I could seize the opportunity.
Lunging up the bed, I arched over him and sank my teeth into his cheek, just hard enough to make him gasp but not enough to leave a lasting mark. He wrapped his arms and legs around me and squeezed. His rapid breaths tickled my ear and sent tingles all the way down my extremities.
"Sorry," I whispered once I'd released his delicious flesh. "You're so tempting, I can't stand it."
He giggled and held me tighter. "It's okay if you're a biter. Maybe I am too!"
He growled playfully and nipped my shoulder. We both laughed and rolled around the bed, gnawing at one another wherever we could reach. We kissed and licked and tickled each other, exploring each other's bodies and finding every secret, every sensitive spot, every hidden erogenous zone. Julien moaned when I kissed his inner wrist, shuddered when I dipped my tongue into the hollow just behind his collarbone, and when I caught his nipple gently between my teeth, he gasped out a few of the French obscenities he'd uttered while climaxing. I pressed my groin against his, and found that we were both fully hard again.
"You turn me on so much!" I groaned, humping him gently.
"You took the words right out of my mouth," he panted, and then squealed when I caught the tip of his tongue between my teeth.
"I'm so, so happy right now."
"So am I!" He smiled up at me adoringly, the movement of his hips gradually meeting my humping motions. "Cody... Cody... I loved when you touched me... back there."
"Yeah? I wasn't sure if it was... weird."
"No. So good!" He caressed my cheek and then combed his fingers through my hair. He whispered so quietly, I might not have caught his next words if I hadn't been watching the movements of his beautiful lips: "I want more."
I swallowed and kissed his lips with a light feather touch. "How much more?"
He nuzzled his nose against mine. "All," he whispered.
I breathed slowly and deeply. "All the way?"
"Are you... ready?"
"Yes! I want you inside me. Please, please, Cody, please?" He ruffled my hair, massaging my scalp with both hands. "I've wanted to take a cock up my ass for so long, and it would be just so perfect if it was you. You, here in your bed, tonight. Pop my cherry, Cody?"
I felt over the moon as I gazed down at this gorgeous boy, begging me to put my cock inside him. I wouldn't have been so bold as to make the first move when it came to anal sex, but I was certainly raring to take him and make him mine. I was even enjoying the slight note of depravity at the thought of having sex with him right here, where his sister, my girlfriend, slept every night. I pressed my mouth against his and slipped him my tongue, feeling hungrier for him than ever. I was hard and throbbing, eager to get inside him, and now that I'd already climaxed once, I was bound to last a good long time.
"Yes," I whispered once I had broken the passionate kiss. "I'll make love to you, Julien."
He smirked; his eyes glinted with amusement. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he suddenly giggled, slapping a hand over his mouth.
"What?" I chuckled.
"You said 'make love'." He continued to giggle behind his hand.
"Is that weird?"
"No, it's... I dunno. I guess not. It's just... like something a girl would say. Or someone in a book."
I smirked at him. "What would you like me to call it?"
He hooked a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me close until his lips were right against my ear. "Would it kill the romance if I asked you to call it 'fucking'?"
I shuddered. "N-no."
He continued to hold me close to him. "Fuck me, Cody." He paused. His breath was hot against my ear. "Say it. Say 'fuck'."
I trembled all over again. "F-fuck."
He squeezed me tighter. "I felt your cock throb when you said that. Tell me again. Tell me what you're gonna do to me."
It was true - just saying it was turning me on more and more. I humped him gently and nuzzled against his neck. "I'm gonna fuck you, Julien... that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."
He clamped his legs around my hips and growled. "Fuck, yes you are!"
"Fuck yeah!" I growled, a huge smile spreading across my face. I felt blissfully liberated and kissed Julien heatedly. Finally I sat back to get a good look at him. His eyes were bright and animated, his cheeks flushed. He was smiling so widely I could see his back teeth. "You are so, so gorgeous," I marvelled.
He groaned and covered his face with his hands.
"No," I scolded him, pulling his hands back. "I don't want to miss this face for a moment. Now... how do you want to do this, my beautiful Julien?"
"Just like this." He gave my hips a squeeze with his thighs. "Because I want to see your face too. Do you have lube nearby? We'll need lots."
I cringed. It had been a very long time since I'd had need for such things. "Um... I'm sure I have some somewhere. Not that I've seen it in ages."
"It's okay," he soothed, taking one of my hands and kissing my palm. His sympathetic expression turned into a cheeky smile. "I can get mine. I always keep some around."
I let him roll me over, and then he hopped down, stumbling for a moment as he found his feet. I laughed as I watched him dash off, his retreating backside looking deliciously tempting. He returned only a few moments later with a bottle in hand. His cock was bobbing; mine also remained at full mast.
"We're really going to do this, aren't we? Go all the way?" I exclaimed.
"Are you having second thoughts?" he gasped, looking suddenly forlorn.
"No - oh, no way!" I assured him, beckoning him back to the bed. "I just can't believe my luck." I tackled him as he came within reach of me, and we hugged aggressively, rolling and grabbing and kissing and squeezing each other.
"Do you want me to use a condom?" I whispered.
He shook his head. "I want you, just you, with nothing between us. My Cody."
I kissed him softly. "My Julien."
He stroked my cock a few times, and then lifted his legs, spreading them wide. "Stick a pillow under my butt?" he suggested.
I was reeling, dizzy and surging with excitement and desire as I tucked a pillow under him to prop up his bottom and give myself a better angle at this. I was about to fuck him. Fuck Julien. Fuck a guy's ass. FUCK. I couldn't get the word out of my head, and I didn't want to - it was like mental masturbation. I grabbed at the word over and over, and it filled me with steadily deeper lust, as did Julien's little pink pucker, which he was displaying prominently for me.
Julien opened up the lube bottle and poured some over his fingers. I watched in fascination as he unhesitatingly pressed two slick fingers into his opening and sank them in all the way.
"Whoa!" I gasped, both shocked and further aroused by his intrepid self-penetration. "Uh... damn!"
"You never put anything up your ass?" He managed to look both impish and bashful at the same time.
I shook my head slowly, hypnotized by the movement of his fingers.
"I'm just working lots of lube up in there," he said in a breathy, shaky voice, "and opening myself up a bit."
"You seem like you've done this before," I whispered.
His cheeks darkened. "Yeah, um... well, I have used a lot of... toys."
"You mean... dildos?" My eyes widened steadily, flipping between his lubed-up fingers and his bashful face. This concept excited me immensely.
He nodded. "I love having something up there. I love, love, love it! I've been fantasizing about a real life cock. I'm so excited, Cody, you have no idea what a dream come true this is for me!"
Now it was my turn to flush. It was a touch intimidating to be the fulfilment of someone's dream. "I hope I won't disappoint. I mean... I've never exactly impressed...." I stopped short of saying her name. "Just, um... tell me what to do."
"Don't worry," he said sweetly. "Already this is going so much better than I ever imagined."
I relaxed a little and went back to drinking in the mesmerizing sight of him lubing and finger fucking himself. I was growing more aroused by the second.
"I'm so hard for you, Julien," I whispered. "You have no idea. I've never felt this horny in my life."
Julien's expression of concentration softened. His beautiful eyes gleamed as he gazed at me. "Really, you mean it?"
"I swear. I've never wanted anyone more!" I growled playfully and kissed his inner thighs, making him shiver.
"I'm ready for you," he whispered, passing me the lube bottle. "Use some of this."
Eagerly, with trembling hands, I lubed up my cock and shuffled close to him. I watched him for cues, breathing raggedly. "Y-you want me to just... put it in?"
He nodded and licked his pretty lips. "You can finger me a little first if you want."
I grinned and gently placed two fingers near his glistening opening, swirling them around in a slow circle, and then pressed inside. "Ohhh," I breathed. "You're so hot... and tight. Are you sure I'm not gonna hurt you?"
"It might hurt a little," he admitted, "but only at first." He moaned and reached for me as I continued to explore him with my fingers. "Oh... Cody... that feels really nice. Please would you fuck me now? I can't wait any longer! I want your cock in me!"
I leaned over him and kissed him heatedly. "Yes! I'm gonna fuck you now!" I kept my eyes on his as I reached one hand down to guide my slippery erection toward his equally slippery hole and pressed into him. The initial ring of muscle seemed not to allow me entrance at first.
"Push!" he urged, his eyes widening. "Fuck! Cody, push hard - I mean it!"
My mouth dropped open as I gave a thrust of my pelvis and felt my tip pop past his entrance.
"Cody!" he exclaimed desperately, fingers digging into my back. "More!"
I pushed again and sank deeper inside him. I couldn't believe the tightness of his passage - at first it seemed like it wanted to push me out, and then it was welcoming me, pulling me in deeper.
"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed, astonished and seething with lust. "Julien... I'm inside you!" I crowed with delight and pushed even harder against him until I'd bottomed out and my balls squeezed against his ass. "Fuck! You're so tight!"
Julien moaned and locked his legs around my hips. He mumbled something unintelligible and grabbed me by the hair. I willingly let myself be pulled and mashed my mouth against his, our tongues vying for dominance. I stayed there for some time just taking in the sensation of being fully embedded inside him.
"Does it feel good?" I whispered against his lips.
"Yessss!" he hissed. "Oh shit - I can't even handle how good it feels!"
"Should I stay still?"
"No, I need more! Fuck me! Start slow, but go deep. Let me feel every inch of you."
We were both sweating, and the room smelled of men and sex as I rocked steadily with my hips, sliding in and out of his snug passage, and his pelvis moved rhythmically to meet my strokes, grinding against me as much as he could. He was as completely wrapped around me as he could be. We were locked together, a single organism with two thundering pulses. The world could have ended while I fucked Julien there in the bed I shared with his sister, and we wouldn't have noticed. We both moaned and panted, lost in the the almost unbearable pleasure of our coupling. We claimed each other in every way possible.
I lost track of how long we spent making love. We kissed passionately some of the time. Other times, we just stared one another in the face, continually assuring ourselves that this was actually happening. Sometimes he begged me to fuck him harder, faster, and I gripped his perfect ass cheeks and rammed my resilient tool inside him with force, spurred on by his boisterous enjoyment of being so enthusiastically railed. He threw his head back, howled, cursed, and sometimes squealed, jerking his pelvis up sharply against me. I grabbed him by the thighs, pushing him up to get better purchase.
"That spot right there, YES Cody!" he screamed wildly, clawing at my arms.
Breathlessly, I kept up fucking him at the angle that seemed to be stimulating his prostate directly. He huffed rapidly and shook his head from side to side, almost sobbing. Perspiration poured down my temples. His face and neck were deeply flushed. I could tell he was very close to a climax. I slung his legs over my shoulders and grabbed hold of his cock, stroking him with quick, firm jerks of my fist. Julien braced his hands against the headboard and his eyes and mouth opened very widely. His shoulders ground down into the mattress, his back arched, his legs straightened, and he screamed, jetting spectacular streams of cum across his front, a few drops even managing to hit his face. I kept on stroking him as he spent continuously, copiously, fingernails clawing at the headboard. When his body finally began to relax, I let go of his cock and eased him carefully back down to the mattress.
Impetuously, I slipped out of him and rose up onto my knees. As he struggled to catch his breath, Julien watched me from beneath heavy lids as I finished myself off by hand. In less than a minute I was groaning and cursing, shooting an impressive load all over Julien's existing mess of cum. Julien lay there like a limp, sloppy ragdoll. I collapsed next to him, huffing and puffing.
"Wow," I whispered.
"Wow," he agreed.
"I know. Fucking wow!"
We both chuckled tiredly. When he could move his arms, he raked his fingers through the mutual collection of cum that was splattered across him. I kissed away the splotches that had hit his face. He turned his head to meet my lips, and we shared a long, slow, wet kiss. I needed to stay close to him. Heedless of the sticky mess all the way down his front, I pulled him against me, both of us now covered in our mixed spend. Our limbs tangled as we made out at a lazy pace, stroking and petting each other and basking in the sweet afterglow.
"Shower?" I whispered.
Julien agreed wholeheartedly, and we spent the next twenty minutes cuddling and cleaning each other beneath a warm, soothing stream of water.
"Thank you," Julien finally said, smiling up at me with adoration. The green and gold flecks in his eyes seemed to stand out especially brightly. "I always thought losing my virginity was bound to be awkward and anticlimactic."
I massaged up and down his back, now and then cupping his delightful buttocks. "I'm glad it wasn't," I chuckled. "Don't thank me though. This has been the best night of my life by far. I feel like I've lost my virginity too, somehow. Like nothing I've ever done has been real until it was with you."
He kissed me sweetly, stroking my face all over with his fingertips, slowly, as if memorizing the feel of it. "I need you in my life, Cody," he sighed, and pressed his face against my neck.
"You have me," I whispered back, clutching him tightly against my body, both of us wet and gloriously slippery. "I'm going to stay in your life."
"Will you fuck me lots?"
"Lots, Julien," I chuckled. "Anytime you want it."
We were silent for a while, and then Julien finally raised the question that had been in the air yet unspoken until now: "What happens when Lise comes home?"
I swallowed hard and turned off the water, grabbing two fluffy towels to wrap us in. "I don't know, love. I guess we'll have to wait and see."
The worry that creased his brow made my heart seize up for a moment.
"But we're over - I swear it, Jules!" I added as I dried him off with one of the towels, gently mopping the dripping water from his smooth, beautiful skin. "She and I are history. I just have to figure out the best way to navigate this breakup. I don't know if she's going to come home expecting us to split, or make peace. I hope it's the first, because that'll make things easier for me. Then again, part of me really wants to give her a piece of my mind yet!"
He smiled a little at this. "Me too."
We brushed our teeth, and then cuddled all the way back to the bedroom. Naked and still a little damp, we crawled under the covers together. He grabbed his teddy bear and squeezed it in the crook of his arm, and I likewise squeezed Julien in the crook of mine. With my sweet boy cuddled warmly against my side, sleep overtook me within minutes.
© All rights reserved